How to cope with resentment and negative emotions? Try to remember all the “forbidden” feelings in your childhood

Resentment can strike at the most inopportune moment, because this condition is difficult to predict. Knowing how to cope with resentment will help prevent severe consequences this condition: psychosomatic illnesses, destruction of social contacts, family breakdown in case of resentment within a relationship. Pride, which becomes a springboard for resentment, is not for nothing considered a serious sin. After all, it is precisely this that leads to high sensitivity.

If a person cannot forgive the offender, his soul is destroyed, balance and calmness leave the body, his whole life comes down to scrolling negative thoughts or the desire to take revenge on the offender. If an unpleasant state constantly washes away the soul, then a person develops dissatisfaction with life, his personality changes for the worse.

But there are quite a lot of methods on how to survive an insult. They are effective for restoring mutual understanding between a man and a woman, and for solving all problems between colleagues or friends.

Are all people equally touchy?

Statistics from psychological surveys show that all people are offended in one way or another. But some of them are able to carry resentment and anger for decades, while others forget even the most severe betrayals within a month. This happens due to special vulnerabilities in the psyche and consciousness. The so-called “pain points” arise from complexes, childhood experiences, and some unpleasant experiences. For example, calling a girl who spent 5 years losing weight from 120 kg to 60 fat (even as a joke) can seriously offend her. After all, she had a difficult struggle with weight in the past.

A person who is offended by everything and everyone must evaluate the situation: do they really want to offend him? Often people are not even aware that they are causing pain. And the second question to ask yourself is: am I really offended? It happens that such a condition is instilled in childhood, and then works throughout life: at the age of up to 5 years, after an insult, the mother felt sorry for the baby, gave sweets, and encouraged him in every possible way. This is how he is used to behaving. Yoga or meditation can help such a touchy person. The same method is suitable for those who are looking for a way to survive an insult that has noticeably shaken your condition.

Basic Steps

And the first place to start is to acknowledge that you are feeling pain. And then you need to get rid of unpleasant memories. Stop obsessing over them and feeling sorry for yourself the moment you realize how badly you were treated. You should pay attention to the following psychological techniques:

1. As soon as you feel a surge of negative emotions, you should understand that apart from pain and harm, this will not give anything to your body.
2. If the offender does not suspect that he has inflicted a mental wound on you, you need to talk to him frankly. If this is a friend or comrade, talk in a comfortable place and dot the i’s.
3. Remember that we often tend to be offended by the truth. If you feel these emotions, evaluate the situation, what sore spot was touched, and what can be done to protect it. Or improve yourself. If there really is a fact that made you offended, thank the person for saying it straight to his face - such an act is worthy of respect.
4. If you are offended by a person who has been exhibiting behavior for a long time, try to understand him. Often this behavior is typical of people experiencing enormous problems in life. Maybe he needs sympathy or even help. You definitely shouldn’t be offended by this.
5. If you are offended by a stranger, especially someone you will never see again, try to let go and forget about the offense.
6. If you are offended by someone who did not live up to expectations, understand that you need to talk to the person. He can't read minds, and if you're waiting for something, just tell him about it.
7. If coping with grievances through self-reflection is difficult, use a pillow or other object that can be hit. And beat him heartily, call him names, scream, break him. Letting out aggression is a great way to get rid of negativity. It will prevent the accumulation of unpleasant energy within the soul.

In some cases, an offended person cannot by any means get rid of the oppressive state. Then you can turn to NLP techniques; ideally, this should be a specialist, and not a home practice.

Recording Negative Emotions

Another way to deal with resentment is to write it out. On a simple piece of paper, the offended person writes all the reasons for his negative emotions until the moment there is verbal emptiness. When the piece of paper contains everything for which you cannot forgive the person, tear the paper. Or burn it. You can use a more sophisticated method - burn it and drown it in the toilet.

Usually a person is so deeply offended by someone with whom he is (was) in a close relationship. And there are two people to blame here. Then you need to write another message with the words “Forgive me for...” and “I am to blame for...”. And a letter of gratitude will complete the processing of the negative state. After all, in all respects there is positive sides. You can understand whether the method worked or not: if, when remembering the situation, quiet sadness and gratitude arise, then the resentment has passed.

Family grievances

Things are different when lovers or husband and wife quarrel. Often couples do not know how to talk openly with each other, which is where various grievances arise. A good scandal at home with a statement about cleanliness once a month is a good prevention of negativity. But if they occur every day, then something needs to be done:

1. You cannot remember grievances that have already been dealt with.
2. You should not involve other relatives in the scandal, do not mention them.
3. You should not talk about divorce during an argument.
4. There is no need to talk about other men or women, compare with “former” people.
5. Don't make empty promises. It is important to show that words have value, and if you said “I’ll go to my mother,” then do it, even for a day.
6. Should not be spoiled material values. The ardor will subside, and repairing or buying new equipment or jewelry will cost a pretty penny and provoke new grievances.
7. A great way to combat negativity is to sleep together. No matter how hard you have a fight with your loved one.

Video: Lecture by psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky “How to get rid of feelings of resentment?”

It can be difficult to get rid of resentment; you should not count on time to wash everything away. To do this, you need to connect certain forces and work on yourself. The simplest methods - recording, working through sensations - will help with minor shocks. In severe cases, when resentment develops into obsession, it is necessary to consult a specialist.

As the famous Sigmund Freud used to say, almost all of our problems, complexes and other problems have their roots in childhood, that is, all this develops in childhood under the influence of various negative factors. Young children begin to become familiar with the feeling of resentment around the age of two.

Until this age, babies can feel anger, but not resentment. Children often adopt this emotion from their elders and begin to manipulate adults with the help of their grievances. Together with you, we will figure out where grievances come from and how to deal with them?

This emotion arises when a situation arises in which a person’s expected behavior does not coincide with his actual action. Thus, the feeling of resentment includes three aspects:

• setting expectations;
• observation of actions;
• comparison of aspirations and reality.

Simply put, we expect our partner or friend to understand and take some action in our direction, but we don’t tell him about it.

And we even say that we firmly believe that a person will do exactly as we ask, regardless of his own desires and capabilities.

Of course, in family and relationships, we all, without exception, expect love, respect, and care. But, importantly, for some reason we are in no hurry to talk about our desires.

Moreover, a relationship model sits firmly in our head (based on the parental family or TV series and romance novels), not realizing that our partner may have a different relationship model in his mind.

But if you think about it, this model of behavior is fundamentally wrong! After all, no one owes anyone anything!

It is very stupid to devote your life to a person, forgetting about yourself. It just means that you don't value yourself, and you won't get anything out of the relationship. So it turns out that all our lives we expect something from a person who, in principle, cannot give it to us!

Resentment towards loved ones

Everyone has worthwhile relationships There is only one future - bright and beautiful. Every good thing we receive in a relationship should be valued as a gift.

It is not so easy for strangers to offend us, but for those close to us it is very easy. After all, we don’t expect anything from outsiders, and that’s why we don’t get angry. But a casually thrown rudeness or a caustic remark from a loved one hurts very much.

Roots of resentment

Undoubtedly, at the root of resentment there is always some kind of deep mental trauma. An inferiority complex is often to blame. Constant self-doubt, low self-esteem, inability to take responsibility - all this only complicates your relationships with loved ones.

This is an eternal expectation that they will suddenly appreciate you and help you do something for you. When this doesn't happen, you get very upset.

You can certainly hold other people responsible for your happiness and success. But then these people will always influence your mood and attitude. Your happiness is only in your hands, do not put it in the hands of others.

Should I fight this?

Don't think that these are just big words. Internal grievances, like unhealed wounds, prevent us from loving and living. life to the fullest, lead to illness and even death.

Make a choice right now so you can take your life into your own hands forever. Manage your feelings of resentment completely, do not let this emotion control you. She is like a poison that eats away your nature.

Being able to manage your emotions is an indisputable advantage for a person at any time. We have selected for you ten of the most effective practices for getting rid of this destructive emotion, by practicing which you will gradually cope with it.

Pull yourself together and never make serious decisions while offended. Know how to take control of your emotions.

Running and hitting back at the offender is not the best option. Take a photo of him, and if not, a stuffed animal and a toy or pillow. Imagining that this object is the offender who appears in front of you, speak out to him.

Explain in detail what specifically hurt you and did not suit you. This task will teach you to clearly and clearly indicate what you want and what you don’t want at all.

Take an object (a soft toy, for example) and imagine that your offender is in front of you. Express all your pain and bitterness through physical impact on this object. If you feel like crying, feel free to shed tears!

If speaking out is a problem for you, just write a letter to the offender. Pour out on paper everything you think about the situation that hurts you. After completing this practice, the letter can be destroyed.

Learn to conduct a constructive dialogue, without unnecessary emotions and insults. In a conversation with an offender, you need to use not “you-messages”, but the “I-messages” model. That is, do not tell your interlocutor: “You offended me!” Tell the person who offended you: “I am very offended, your words (actions) upset me very much.”

After all, if a person is accused of something, he begins to defend himself. But if you say everything you feel, perhaps the offender will be inspired and think about his behavior.

Put yourself in the shoes of the offender; perhaps he does this unconsciously. Or he simply doesn’t pay attention to his actions. It is even possible that this person has been accustomed to this pattern of behavior since childhood.

Oddly enough, you can say “Thank you!” to your offender. After all, he revealed your weak sides, and now you have something to work on.

It may sound stupid, but you need to forgive yourself for being offended. Forgive yourself and it will be easier.

Try to understand once and for all that people's actions, for the most part, are neither good nor bad.

Go through all your acquaintances and friends in your mind, are there people among them who never get offended? Why do you think they are so persistent? And the whole point is that these people are very confident in themselves, their self-esteem is simply impenetrable to offense. These people are the masters of their lives, they do not depend on others, but rely only on themselves.

So how do you deal with resentment?

• don’t get carried away - don’t resolve important issues in a state of anger;
• if grievances are your constant guests, think about why this happens. You may have problems with self-esteem. Of course, you won’t solve it in one day. But when you become more confident in yourself, there will definitely be fewer offenders around;
• Do not accumulate grievances within yourself, because they can become the causes of diseases and disorders. Forgive the offense and live life to the fullest!

Resentment is something that haunts every person almost every day. All people are constantly offended by someone or offend someone. However, everyone is already so accustomed to considering offense as something everyday that they do not notice the damage it causes to each of the participants. It can have serious consequences in the future, so you should think about how to deal with the resentment. After all, it depends on you how strongly this or that incident will affect your psyche. And if you just can’t overcome the feelings gnawing at you on your own, this article will offer you several ways to deal with resentment. Explore them, choose the ones that suit you best, try them separately or in combinations. After all, it is very important to learn how to cope with resentment. Pretty quickly you will realize that your life is much better without her.

Resentment: how to deal with it

So, in this article you will learn how to deal with resentment. However, to do this, you need to understand what it is and why it manifests itself. Resentment is the feeling a person experiences when someone has said or done something unpleasant to him. However, it has differences from anger and other manifestations of negative emotions. Most often it is hidden, that is, a person feels that he is unpleasant, but does not tell about it to the person who offended him. This is precisely why problems arise. The fact is that grievances tend to accumulate, and also have an even more dangerous property - to grow. If someone has offended you, then it is best to resolve the situation as soon as possible, because the more the offense “ripens” inside you, the worse it will be for you. The person who gave you this unpleasant feeling may not even know about it. But at the same time, you have already gone through hundreds of situations in your head and inflated your resentment to unprecedented proportions. Although it could all start with any little thing.

The thing is that resentment is a manifestation of the inner child inside each person. You may be twenty-five or fifty years old, but deep down you still have a part of your childish ego. And because of this, an irrational reaction to a person’s statement or action occurs. Resentment lies inside a person and does not come out. And it can take a serious toll on your mental health. If you accumulate grievances and do not learn to cope with them, this can seriously affect your condition. This is why you need to learn how to deal with resentment. And this article will help you with this.

Talk

The first thing you need to understand if you want to know how to deal with feelings of resentment is that the person who hurt you is not a mind reader. Often he has no way of knowing that you didn't like what he said or did. Therefore, first of all, you need to try to suppress your childish ego at least a little in order to make room for rational thinking. How can a person feel guilty if he does not know that he is being blamed? Naturally, he will not come to you because he has no idea that he should do this. Therefore, you should definitely talk to this person. Tell him that you were offended by a specific remark or behavior of his. In most cases this works flawlessly. The person who offended you, if you approach him calmly and not with direct accusations, will also look at the situation from a rational point of view and understand what exactly he did wrong. This the simplest way how to cope with resentment towards a person. However, there are other methods that some may find more convenient or effective. They can also be used when the first method did not work.

Forgiveness

Many women wonder how to cope with resentment towards a man. After all, if you are in a relationship, then, most likely, the first method does not always work - you know each other too well for one of you to remain in the dark about the fact that he offended his partner. This method, which will be described now, is not only suitable for this case - you can use it in any situation in life. Its essence lies in the simplest forgiveness. When you are offended by a person, you mainly harm only yourself, so you should learn to forgive offenses without the participation of the other party. Instead of holding a grudge inside, forgive the person who offended you. Naturally, if he continues to do this further, then other actions will have to be taken, but if this is an isolated case, forgiveness may be the best option. So, if you are wondering how to cope, you should definitely try to simply forgive him, since you must not forget that he is the closest person in the world to you.

Lesson

If you're wondering how to deal with resentment and anger, then you most likely haven't tried to look a little deeper inside yourself. Often, even something positive can be learned from an insult. If you have been wronged, you can ease your suffering by engaging in self-reflection. Think about what caused such strong feelings. Most likely, the person offended you for something that is very relevant to you - what is it? Think about it and try to draw conclusions from it. As you can see, you can take something positive out of any situation that can help you in your future life.

Understanding

When you think about how to deal with bad mood, irritation, resentment, you most often think only about yourself. This is a completely normal trait for a person, but sometimes it is worth looking a little further than your own self. Almost always, an insult is perceived as a personal insult, and rare people immediately begin to think logically and assume that the problem may not be about them at all. Sometimes someone may offend you by accident because something happened in their family or some important plans for them fell through. And you just fell under the hot hand. Therefore, you should not harbor a grudge, because in a few hours a person may already return to normal and forget about how he told you something, and you will still be offended by him. Try to understand the people around you, as often you will find yourself in their shoes and you will most likely want to be understood, and not immediately judged harshly.

Analysis

This paragraph is a kind of combination of some of the previous ones, since it will ask you to analyze the situation. If you want to know how to deal with resentment and... negative emotions, you need to think soberly and not succumb to manifestations of acute feelings. Analyze the situation: if you were offended by a stranger whom you will most likely never meet again, then you should not think about this offense at all. Forget about it and never remember it so that it does not interfere with your life. If the offense was caused by someone close and this is not the first time, then you will have to use other measures. Just remember that in this situation, your main weapon is a calm conversation, and not harsh accusations.

Expectations

It often happens that resentment arises because a person simply did not live up to your expectations. You implied that he would act in a certain way, since you are friends, colleagues, relatives, etc., but he acted completely differently, and for this you are offended by him. If you soberly look at this situation from the outside, you will understand that it is stupid and irrational. It has already been written above that no one is able to read your thoughts, so you should either make them public or not demand that a person do something that he does not consider necessary. If you think that your friend should have helped you in a particular situation, tell him about it, or just forget and don’t expect him to do something that he didn’t and doesn’t intend to do.

NLP

There is such a technique as neurolinguistic programming, abbreviated as NLP. With its help, the most difficult problems that people have are often solved, and it also allows one to cope with grievances. One of the most bright examples- this is burning a sheet of grievances. You need to write down on a piece of paper all the insults that a person has caused you, throw out all your emotions on paper, and then burn this sheet, imagining how they burn in the fire. It looks quite strange, but in reality it turns out to be an extremely effective method. You program yourself for your own happiness, and listing grievances and burning a leaf is just a symbol that allows you to convince yourself as simply as possible that you are the master of your own happiness.

Another option

Recently, NLP has become increasingly popular, so this article will present another method that relates to this technique. You need to write on paper the name of your offender and what exactly he did to you. After this, you need to write that you are for him. Repeat this several dozen times a day until your resentment goes away due to the fact that you program yourself for forgiveness by constant repetition of the action. Naturally, this approach should only be used if you are unable to forgive a person without any outside help.

Letting off steam

Well, another option that will allow you to forget the insult and cheer yourself up is to let off steam. If you have it good, if not, take a pillow or something similar. Well, then everyone understands what needs to be done: imagine that this is your offender, and let off steam on him. Naturally, this approach is recommended for use with strangers or not the closest people, such as, for example, a boss, and not a mother or husband.

According to statistics, all people are offended at least once in their lives. However, everyone handles resentment differently. Why is this happening? A person has certain “sore spots”, touching which can easily offend him. Some people have fewer such places, others have more, hence the varying degrees of resentment that arises. There are also cases when a person seems to be completely different from the outside, although he simply accumulates everything somewhere deep in his soul.

Why people get offended: main reasons

The most common cause of resentment is a simple calculation. A person pretends to be offended in order to gain some benefit from his interlocutor. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to actually feel offended; it is enough to pretend. This method is often used by girls to get what they want from a man.

The next reason can be identified as a banal inability or unwillingness to forgive. In this case, the person who was offended may not know what exactly he was offended by - the fact itself and the apologies that follow are important to him.

Another cause of grievances can be unjustified expectations. For example, a person is fully confident that after today’s interview he will definitely be hired, but they never call him back. Or a girl dreams of receiving a long-awaited ring as a gift from her boyfriend, with whom she has been living together for more than four years, for her birthday, and gets a romantic vacation by the sea.

What to do

1. Analyze the situation: it is quite possible that the interlocutor simply does not suspect that his words could offend someone. In this case, you need to put yourself in his place and understand whether this person could realize, by saying these exact words, that he could hurt your feelings.

2. Always extract something useful for yourself from any situation. Perhaps the interlocutor pointed out your shortcomings, which really exist. You can thank him for saying this to his face and not spreading rumors behind his back.

3. It is useless to be offended that a person did not live up to your expectations. No one knows how to read minds and accurately guess the desires of another. It is much more effective, for example, to simply ask your husband to throw out the trash, and your mother-in-law to babysit the child, than to expect them to figure it out on their own, and then to be offended because this did not happen.

The harm of resentment

It has been proven that this emotion causes many diseases, for example, cancer or cirrhosis of the liver in a completely non-drinking person, constant migraines and insomnia, not to mention the lack of peace of mind. It’s worth thinking about what is actually more valuable: pride and hurt feelings or your own health?