A man without a goal in life at an interview. Life without a goal - what does it mean? Don't focus on a specific result

16.12.2019

“Yesterday is already in the past. Tomorrow hasn't come yet. Only available today. Now." - marvelous simple theory, Truth? And an equally complex practice... We live here and now, but we are completely unaware of it. We operate automatically. It’s all because, oddly enough, of goals. Too many goals. An endless race with no hint of a finish.

Have you ever heard the question that is now so popular in various types of personal effectiveness training: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”? Have you set your expectations for yourself? Have you outlined the five-year plan by years, months, weeks? If not, then at least you felt a sense of guilt for not being able to force yourself to live the way you want. smart people They say?

Stephen M. Shapiro, author of Living Without Goals, believes that practicing modern people the approach to setting and achieving goals, although it allows you to achieve what you want - it would be stupid to deny this, but brings many problems.

Stephen is a former goalaholic and, as he thought, a “man of goals.” One day he lost everything. Peace, family, work and hope for the future. I fell into a vicious circle of career goals and accumulation of material wealth and could not get out of it. Sank to the very bottom.

To find himself again, Stephen sold his property, moved out of his apartment and went on a 20,000 km road trip. This journey and more than 150 interviews conducted along the way became the source of a new philosophy for him. The philosophy of “life without goals” is here and now, inspiring millions of people around the world for 10 years now.

To illustrate that subordinating oneself to goals is a detrimental thing, the book provides very revealing statistics, for example:

41% of Americans say that after achieving their goal in life, they felt disappointed rather than happier. Even the wealthiest people say this:
almost every fifth American has lost a friend, loved one, family, directing all his efforts only to achieve his goal;
36% of Americans admit that the more goals they set for themselves, the more stress they experience;
76% of respondents say that despite all their success, they often feel like something is missing in life.

America, and there is no secret about this, is setting records for the consumption of various types of antidepressants.

While reading the book, you never cease to feel that everything that is written in it is very familiar, but is just presented in a different way. By and large, we're talking about about the “here-and-now” theme, which has become popular in the West under the influence of the ideas of Eastern philosophy. Only here this topic is covered from a practical side - this is the main, in my opinion, value of the book.

Active people are divided into two types:
The first - let's call them “goal people”— plan all the time, focus on specific results and get very nervous when something doesn’t go according to plan. They believe that they will become happy only after they “buy”, “learn”, “trade”, “get rid of”, “finish”, “provide for” something (insert your word).” It’s as if they are putting off life for later again and again, wittingly or unwittingly. As soon as one goal is achieved, a dozen more manage to appear in its place.
Most of us live in “people of purpose” mode. Most often, imposed. Whatever the source of the goal conveyor - family, friends, colleagues, social media, the media - we are in voluntary captivity. In dreams of the expected tomorrow or with regret about what was not achieved yesterday.

The second and still very rare type is “people without a goal”. They don't want to follow a clear route. The journey itself brings them joy. They love what they have and therefore enjoy life every day. Without chasing time, without unnecessary stress, without straining your strength. Their approach is to be happy right today, at this very moment. They don’t just observe moments rushing from “tomorrow” to “yesterday”, but pass the threads of time directly through themselves. Breathe through “now.”

We are all different. If you truly enjoy planning every day and every hour, you shouldn't give up this lifestyle. You may be one of the few conscious “people of purpose.” But if you feel increasing pressure and emptiness from the intense rhythm, if energy is constantly running out, if there is no desire to act despite the external shine of the goals in front of you, it’s time to try something new.

In short, life without goals is not irresponsibility towards oneself, laziness or amorphousness. And this is not a signal to indulge in alcoholism, aimless TV watching or partying - such activities will not fill the void. A life without goals is a life without their burden, but with a direction of movement. This is an active activity, a search for something that will warm your soul for more than a few hours. You don't need to throw away all your notebooks and diaries, but everything should have boundaries. Choose a reasonable scale and don't blame yourself if something goes wrong. Have not goals, but aspirations! Erase all the “shoulds” and focus on your dreams.

Try these principles of living without goals:

Live in such a way that it is a joy

To live without goals, you need to give meaning to every day you live. Do what you like, what is pleasant, fill your time with special and exciting events. Don't exist - live! It doesn't matter what tomorrow will be like. Appreciate what you have today, enjoy every moment.

Follow the compass, not the map

Set the direction of your life based on your aspirations and passions - let this be your compass. But don’t try to plan your whole life and avoid making categorical decisions. Let there always be an opportunity to change the path, stepping in the right direction.

Don't be afraid to take a wrong turn

In reality, there are no right or wrong decisions. There are simple solutions. There are no failures either - only opportunities for personal growth. If you feel like taking a turn doesn't make sense, think of it as a chance to have a new experience.

Look for adventure

Make your life unusual and unexpected even for yourself. Change places of residence and work, try to do something new. Explore and improvise!

Always be prepared

Opportunities await us around every corner, but we are not always ready to accept them. Look around carefully and you will see something you never noticed before. More often than not, the most important signs are right under our noses.

Be a magnet that attracts people

There is no need to plan your acquaintances, the main thing is to go to places where there are people.
When you communicate with people, share with them, talk about your aspirations. Sometimes life changes dramatically thanks to those people from whom you least expect it.

Admit that you are imperfect

Everyone has sides that they strive not to show to the world. But don't try to fight yourself and look perfect. Identify your weaknesses and look at them as a source of strength. Your flaws are the parts of your personality that make you unique.

Don't focus on a specific result

Act without being attached to the result, maintain emotional independence. Don’t strive for big money, bring value into this world yourself, help others. The world and people themselves will reciprocate your feelings.

Don't worry if you can't apply all eight principles right away. Start with what's easier for you, but don't stop there. Take at least one step every day, and one day your life will become absolutely happy without any effort.

You should maintain emotional independence - you should not worry about whether you can, in principle, achieve what you are attracted to. According to the author, this secret is the most difficult to follow. In Eastern philosophy, it is believed that not being attached to the result is, in general, one of the main keys to a successful life.

These are the secrets. In the book they are revealed in sufficient detail, and all this is illustrated by the experiences of various people.

All eight secrets boil down, in my opinion, to one idea - that you need to live in the present moment, without becoming attached to the result of your activities. Without being attached to tomorrow, to plans, to goals. By the way, this approach to life is quite natural for children.

By the way, how can you tell if you are remaining detached? By the absence of negative emotions and, accordingly, by the presence of positive emotions. For example, you calmly accept a situation when the goal is not achieved. Or when someone has achieved more than you. Or when achieving a goal took more time/effort. Or, finally, you restrain your internal rejoicing when your neighbor’s cow died :)

In general, it is appropriate to note that goalaholics, as S. Shapiro calls them, are people for whom achieving goals is in the subcortex. A person who is too serious in life is a goal-aholic. As well as a principled person, tough, boring, irreconcilable. As well as someone who likes to give advice or, God forbid, someone who will break into pieces but will make you happy.

Will you succeed? Don't know. It seems to me that this requires a certain transformation of the mind and just reading one book may not be enough. But, in any case, I’m sure the reading will be, at a minimum, fascinating.

In the modern world, it is accepted that a person must strive for something, have a goal, and achieve it. But in the flow of information, sometimes there are quiet and modest questions about how to live without a goal and whether it even happens that the man had no purpose. Today we will look into this issue.

Life without a goal. Does this happen? Happens. It happens that a person has neither a global goal, nor even a small and modest one. From childhood we learn something. First we learn to sit, then walk, read and write. But having reached the age of 25, the body no longer physically grows and a person is given the right to decide for himself what to strive for, what to study, what to achieve. And there are two ways.

There are people who take an active life position. they have aspirations, goals, desires to achieve, self-actualize, travel, and so on. And the second way is based on a model of behavior imposed by society. That is why people are divided into those who lead, are ambitious, know how to achieve goals, and those who follow, ready to fulfill other people’s goals, live by other people’s rules.

And now the question is, how can a certain person deal with the fact that he has no goal and how to live without a goal? It's simple. If a person is happy, if his life model suits him, then reading the text further is basically pointless. If the model of his life, his ambitions do not allow him to agree with aimless life, then here are some tips.

Life Expectations

The life expectations of any person are prototypes of future goals. Even if there are no dreams and plans to conquer the world, there are life expectations. So pay attention to them. If I ask you what you want to see yourself like in 5, 10 years. You will probably answer, slim, well-groomed, young. On this moment does your body and image as a whole correspond to this? Are your expectations met? If you're young and fit, then probably yes. Now ask, what will happen to the body in 20 years with the current lifestyle? If expectations are not met, then you know what to do now.

Life's work

In order to understand the purpose in the work of life, it is important to decide on the work of life. Ask yourself questions about what you like to do, what gives you pleasure, what field of activity is close to you. Look for an opportunity to realize yourself, look for your purpose.

Financial independence

How many sources of income do you have? What happens if one runs out? Will your situation and quality of life change? How much do you need to earn for your financial situation to remain unchanged? How to achieve such a state? Here's some food for thought about your goals. Thanks to the answer to all these questions, you will find your meaning in life and your purpose in order to live, and not think about problems, about every piece of bread.

Today is an exact copy of the previous one - a desired result for some and a terrible torment for others. In reality modern world life without goals and constant tasks is practically impossible, therefore the image of today's person is a person striving for self-development and constant achievement of something. But what about those who are not used to setting any goals for themselves, because such a person feels comfortable simply going with the flow.

A clear plan or constant improvisation?

Ancient practices say that the main goal of man is to live in harmony with himself and nature, without seeking to subjugate or achieve anything other than understanding himself. This view of the world is shared only by a minority of the world's population. Technical progress, megacities - such a pace of life does not allow the majority to succumb to the flow; today's people grew up with the idea of achieving certain, individual heights. But whether it is worth pursuing them, everyone decides for himself.

No goal - harmony. This is perhaps the smallest sample of people who have learned to get along with themselves and the world. For such a person, the goal is equated to a frame from which he strives to escape.
Convenience in the absence of a goal. Such people are most often of a creative nature; for them, improvisation is the best thing that can be, because this is how they can experience life and realize themselves.
A feigned lack of purpose. These people are pathological victims who want to be pitied. Constant search for oneself, which never turns into action, “loss of the taste of life.” Such a person actually unconsciously adheres to a clearly defined goal, but his life is often boring and monotonous.
A robot person or a resident of a metropolis, one whose diary is written out literally by the second. The motto of such a representative is “Life is suffocating without a goal” and his life, unlike the previous type, is never boring. The main thing in the hectic days of such a person is to find the line when to stop and make a pit stop. It is the search for such a line that is a weak point.
Too lazy to think about everything. The preferred type at the moment. Such a person has a million thoughts, ideas, goals in his head, but he never has time to implement them, because he is busy with other things that essentially do not matter. Due to its prevalence, this type even received its own definition in psychology - procrastinator.
Harmony of goal setting. This type is admirable, because it was he, like the first, who found himself, only in this case in planning and achieving goals. He is not afraid of improvisation, he does not always live by a notebook, but at the same time he manages to do everything and intuitively senses the moment to relax.

Based on the types presented, we can conclude that for the majority the goal is to guarantee that life will not be boring and monotonous.

Lack of purpose is not always a bad thing. But if you feel that the hustle and bustle of everyday life is becoming uncomfortable, set a cherished goal and your life will change!

Goal is aspiration. If you constantly retreat and cannot achieve your goals, then some psychologists advise starting with small achievements and gradually moving on to larger ones. But most experts say that it is necessary to immediately find a goal that will force you to move forward, like a cherished star. Motivation is the key to success.
Paper and pen. Be sure to write down your “cherished star” and compose rough plan actions.
Pros. Before you put your pen down, write down the benefits that you will get if you achieve what you want.
Positive aspects are great, but it is also worth listing possible difficulties. Thus, with a high probability, you will be able to avoid them.
Deadline. Designate extreme point, to which you will definitely get what you strive for.
Psychology has proven the success of visualization. Therefore, imagine as clearly as possible how you have already achieved your cherished goal, what you feel, how you look, as many details as possible. Try to believe and live this moment.
Give up the opportunity to retreat. Experts advise using the contract method by writing on paper your goal, points 3,4,5 and the fact that you will definitely reach the end, sign it and you will not have a step back. When you achieve what you want, such a paper will be one of many reasons for pride.

These points will definitely lead you to success, because as research shows, achieving your goals is one of the guarantees of happiness and attracting positive moments in life. And a happy person cannot help but be successful; his life will definitely not be boring.

Without a goal there is no success. Maximum focus on the goal is the most important quality people who achieve achievements in any business, in any field. The more significant target, the larger success a person can achieve in his life. A person cannot realize his potential, his capabilities and abilities if he does not learn to set goals for himself. Availability goals can be compared to having a compass that helps you find your way in an endless desert or tropical jungle. One more important note. Man is a goal-achieving creature. If you don’t set a goal for yourself, then you will realize the goals of other people.

Are dreams and goals the same thing?

Target- this is the image of the future that a person wants to achieve. But is any image of the future a goal? The image of the future is dream. Dream And target They differ, firstly, in that the goal is always potentially achievable and realistic, while the dream may be unattainable. For example, a person may dream of living to a time when there will be no wars on Earth, but it is obvious that in the near future historical development this is impossible. Secondly, a dream may not imply human activity, activity, but the goal determines some human actions. Of course, any dream can become a goal under certain conditions. A girl who dreams of marrying a millionaire can make this dream her goal.

Why don't people set goals?

B. Tracy, a well-known expert in the field of success, says there are several reasons for this.

People want to improve their lives, but are unwilling to put in the required effort. They can talk beautifully, but do nothing.
People didn't take responsibility for own life. They hope in fate, chance, in other people who can change their lives for the better.
Low self-esteem of a person. He simply does not believe that he is capable of setting serious goals.
People don't realize their importance. If a person grew up in an environment in which people did not set goals for themselves, then he does not understand either their significance or their capabilities.
People just don't know how to set goals. They acquire a lot of knowledge, skills, abilities, without assuming that the ability to set a goal can be of equal or even greater importance for a happy life.
Fear of being misunderstood and criticized.
Fear of failure. Fear of failure comes from a lack of understanding of the role of failure in achieving success. It is impossible to achieve success without experiencing failure. Failure is a prerequisite for success.

How to set goals correctly?

To successfully achieve goals, they must be formulated correctly. To do this, there are a number of techniques with which you can install really high-quality goals. One of the most common and effective methods is setting smart goals, i.e. goal setting using S.M.A.R.T. criteria.

In accordance with this technology goals must be:

Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Result-oriented
Correlative to a specific period (Timed)

Specific Objectives (S). The goal must be clearly formulated. Otherwise, the end result may be different from what was planned.

Measurable Goals (M). If the goal does not have any measurable parameters, it will be impossible to determine whether the result has been achieved.

Achievable Goals (A). Goals are used as an incentive to solve some problems and, thus, further move forward by achieving success. There is no need to set goals that, on the contrary, would lead to increased stress in your life. It is worth setting fairly challenging goals that involve effort, but at the same time keeping in mind that they must be achievable.

Results-oriented goals (R). Goals should be characterized based on the result, not the work done. This way efficiency is achieved. You can set yourself a goal of coming to work an hour earlier, but if you don’t define the expected result from this, then this hour can be spent drinking coffee or just chatting.

Time-bound goals (T). Any goal must be feasible in a certain time dimension.

We all know that in life we need to strive for something. From all sides we hear examples of the achievements and success of people who dreamed and strived to realize their dreams, ideas and achieved what they wanted. They went through serious obstacles, experienced many difficulties and, nevertheless, did not give up on their goal. To have a goal in life is to wake up in the morning with joy in anticipation of new victories and achievements, it is to rejoice at every opportunity to prove yourself and to feel gratitude for your destiny.

“Why am I worse? Why don't I have a goal? - every person can ask himself. After all, everyone wants to get more pleasure from life, not less, each of us dreams and wants to get from life what is secretly languishing in the depths of his soul.

Looking around at other people in today's world, we all, one way or another, fall into some kind of stereotype of success. Today it is money, property, social status, career and business.

However, people’s desires and abilities are much broader, and not everyone will be able to enjoy running around for the next million or a brand new Rolls-Royce in the courtyard of a country house.

And if you imagine the lifestyle that a typical representative of success follows, then many people simply fall into a stupor, panic, experiencing complete internal rejection of such a life.

Entering the treadmill of competition and the rule of the strong, some people quickly realize that “this is not mine” and, disappointed in themselves and their strengths, quit the race.

Following the choice of the method of one’s own basic survival, life turns into the mechanical everyday life of home + work = routine or into the unfortunate fate of a squirrel in a wheel.

Those people who have no goal, and therefore no desire and passion for life, do not have enough strength to live, and the celebration of life, from the happiness once promised in childhood feelings, is replaced by melancholy and apathy, and sometimes even depression and suicidal thoughts. Massive need for personal psychological assistance, with the help of fortune tellers and clairvoyants, “fashion” for bad internal states- alas, it becomes hallmark modern society consumption, a society with established values of accessible goods, rights and freedoms.

However, by saying that I have no purpose, many people do not realize that they have a purpose in this life, this desire is the fundamental basis of any person, which animates and sustains his existence.

In the hope that a psychologist will help, everyone suffering from internal shortages does not realize that a psychologist is another person, with his own desires, and a diploma psychological education does not at all mean having the ability to fulfill the desires of other people, to live their lives for them.

Understanding that there is no purpose for further existence is the first impetus for conscious participation in one’s life, independent awareness of one’s desires.

“How to understand your desires? What do I really want? This healthy thought, making its way through the jungle of consciousness, through childhood traumas received during growing up, through the same social stereotypes, receives great distortions, eventually leading, at times, to erroneous actions and undesirable results. Desire, as such, turns out to be hidden in the depths of the unconscious, inaccessible to observation.

In system-vector psychology, there are eight vectors, eight groups of mental desires that set and shape a person’s character and abilities, his talents, which may or may not be developed, aspirations, preferences, and sexuality. The human vector set is innate; any combination of vectors can occur, that is, people can be from single-vector to complex polymorphs, which determines a person’s multifunctional abilities.

Ignorance of one’s talents and developed properties leaves a person disoriented internally, unable to find his place in society, unable to put together that very thought, a formed goal, following which would lead this person to self-realization and happiness, including material success.

Not following one’s given talents and desires, either under the pressure of stereotypes or from childhood traumas, leads to the fact that in the chosen lifestyle, a person finds himself under pressure that is unusual for him, unable to cope with this pressure, experiencing constant over-stress and displeasure from life.

In addition, the social stereotypes of our time, which have an unconditional influence on everyone: this material values, social status and success are not suitable for everyone, because... relate to only one vector – the skin one, whose talents and properties include speed, logic, rational thinking, the desire for personal gain, property and social superiority.

All other vectors do not have the goal of personal enrichment, but there are many other desires - this is the desire to know oneself in the sound vector, emotional disclosure in the visual vector, the desire for honor and family values in the anal vector, and so on.