Why do people lie? Aphorisms, quotes, statements of great people on the topic of deception. Is the truth always needed?

Sometimes in life there are people who constantly lie. Sometimes for no reason. And sometimes, for some, as it seems to us, compelling reasons, we ourselves are the ones who have time. How do psychologists explain lying? We all come from a cloudless childhood. The answer to the question of why people lie must be looked for there. After all, we take many complexes into adult life from wonderful childhood years.

Why do people lie to each other

The instinct of survival is embedded in human psychology, so we always try to survive at any cost, get out of any situation, stay alive, preserve our property, etc. This is why people lie - in a global sense. And it most often begins in childhood, when the child is afraid of punishment or parental displeasure.

Why do children lie? The first reason may be the child’s desire to meet the ideals of his parents. Then, on a subconscious level, he begins to exaggerate his successes, and a process of constant deception occurs imperceptibly. So this habit begins to accompany a person throughout his life. Then he deceives not only his parents, but everyone who is nearby.

The second reason comes from childhood – parents’ encouragement of children’s fantasies. From the beginning, it seems that this is all innocent, but it is not noticeable that such favor of parents towards children's fairy tales blurs the line with adult life. Fantasies become deception, people lie from childhood, out of habit, in order to embellish the facts.

There is another option from childhood - copying the behavior of your parents. Adults themselves do not notice when they tell lies to neighbors, relatives, and friends, and children are present. And kids, like carbon copies, absorb the behavior of adults. At the same time, they think that if adults can deceive, then why can’t we.

Sometimes a person begins to deceive people as an adult. If a child simply fantasized, initially without any benefit for himself, then an adult always engages in deception for his own benefit.

A man lies at work. Often many bank employees, various financial organizations, firms have to deceive customers so that the company can make money more money. People lie because they are forced to do so. This is how their mentors teach them. For example, managers who issue loans or promote often not very good products with dubious ingredients. Top management does not think that a family that has taken out a loan at exorbitant interest rates will have nothing to repay it with and will have no money left for food.

A person begins to lie in order to appear more attractive to everyone. He says that he has the most expensive things and everything of the best quality. When the truth is revealed, it is unpleasant. With such a pathological liar, any desire to communicate disappears.

A life-saving lie with good intentions. Sometimes people lie because in some rare cases it is better not to tell the truth. For example: if such truth could cause irreparable harm to someone. To do this, you need to think through all the pros and cons if it comes out. Sometimes you have to resort to deception in order to help someone with something.

Why do men lie to women?

Women and girls will probably be able to come up with many versions on this topic “why do people lie”, however, this question is still asked very often. Let's consider the most common versions from a psychological point of view.

Men lie to make themselves look better. First of all, they do this in order to show themselves off the best side than they really are.

They want to act in front of women as “ideal”, kind, courageous, affectionate, always able to come to the aid of the weaker sex. But this is how it all looks only before the wedding, when they want to please their chosen one.

And it should be noted that such embellishment of oneself still works. Probably, many have encountered a situation where before the wedding he said that he loves children very much, is ready to play with them all the time, and then it turns out that he does not need children at all and even gets in the way. But he won your attention and love in just this way.

Then men begin to lie to hide their affections on the side. It is inconvenient for him to tell his soul mate, with whom he is legally married, that he has stopped loving her, or maybe he simply lacks strong emotions, and he is looking for them on the side. In such a situation, a man should not resort to deception and betrayal of his family, but simply muster up the courage and talk to his soulmate.

Sometimes people lie to avoid conflict. Sometimes it is useful to tell a lie and it will not lead to conflict situation. In some cases, the truth can “kill” and destroy all relationships. Lying in the name of peace can be justified, so men lie for the sake of peace.

Why do men lie about buying accessories for their hobbies? Yes, because we women do not always approve of it. It is sometimes difficult for a woman to allocate a certain amount of money from the family budget for hunting or fishing accessories. And men are children. But the older they get, the more expensive the toys they buy become. They want to buy this or that thing, but they are forced to hide it from the woman.

A habit from childhood that has carried into adulthood. The parents constantly inspired the boy that he should be the best in everything, and in return he learned to deceive them, telling lies about his successes.

The problem of why people lie must be seen in gender relations, and first of all, we must understand what exactly pushed a man to deceive. Every woman is able to make relationships pure and honest by understanding her man. There is no need to put the stronger sex in an uncomfortable position, and then he will not start lying and inventing “fairy tales” for the female sex.

Hearing a lie is always very unpleasant, especially when you know that they are lying to you. Let's take a closer look at how girls lie.

Why do girls and women lie?

Almost all women think that with their sexuality they can distract a man from something or anyone. So be on the lookout, if your beloved is trying to take the topic in a different direction and at the same time shows her sexuality to everyone, then it is quite possible that she is lying to you.

The girl doesn’t want to accept gifts from you, what could this mean? Either she no longer feels anything for you, or she did something very bad and that is why she is uncomfortable accepting gifts from you. This happens because she feels guilty towards you, because you treat her so well.

If your chosen one begins to get angry just because you ask her about something, then there’s definitely something fishy here and the woman is lying. After all, you are really very dear to her, she definitely won’t want you to worry and worry once again. But if your girlfriend is angry just because you ask her questions, then you might want to consider whether she's lying to you. at the moment.

Coughing and hesitating may also indicate that the girl is lying to you. No, of course, hesitations during a conversation do not mean anything, but if her tone of voice suddenly suddenly begins to change, then the matter is apparently not clear.

A woman's lips can also serve as a barometer of lies for you. If you ask her a question, and in response to your question she purses her lips into a tube, as if she wants to kiss you, then you should not be happy about it. After all, in fact, this may indicate that the woman is lying and your questions are making her very nervous. In this case, there is no need to stop the conversation, continue, and maybe very soon you will be able to bring her to clean water.

Eyes, they say, are the mirror of the soul, and this is true, because it is by the eyes of your beloved that you can understand whether she is lying to you or not. If during your conversation her eyes dart, she tries not to look you straight in the eyes, it means she is ashamed of her action or she is hiding something from you. You can also understand that a girl (woman) is lying by her gestures; if she begins to carefully rub her eyes, it means that she is definitely trying to avoid answering, and this conversation is not pleasant for her.

Have you ever thought that lying is a sign of intelligence? Why do people lie to each other, regardless of the degree of relationship and relationship to each other? What is the difference between a holy lie in the name of salvation and a vile act in pursuit of one’s own interests?

What curious metamorphoses: the truth that everyone values ​​is primitive and simple. What's so difficult about the truth? But a lie can be so multifaceted, so sophisticated, thought out several moves ahead, requiring psychological calculations. Moreover, these calculations are unknown to the person being deceived. But a liar pursues his own interests, i.e. he expects to buy something. And this “something” is not always material assets, these can be moral moments and moral satisfaction.

In order to avoid becoming a victim of deception, you need to improve your communication skills, as well as learn to understand people's characters. Very often the interlocutor reveals his essence in small details, which for one person are completely insignificant, but for another they are signals of close attentiveness and distrust. In other words, observation, prudence and the ability to analyze will help out.

If you look around, lying is a common occurrence all over the world. It is everywhere: in all areas of activity, in relationships with colleagues, relatives, friends, children and parents... Is it possible to refuse it? Of course not! How to react? Learn to understand the essence of lies, its meaning, its goals. This is one of the key moments in the development of human intelligence. Without this, relationships cannot be built.

False... The more information the human brain processes per unit of time, the more lies he is forced to “digest.” Simply put - modern people so surrounded by the media that its satiety begins to affect the emotional state. And here lies can provoke aggression. If we consider aggression from a physiological point of view, then it is a natural feeling of a living person. But when it is provoked, especially due to injustice or lies, its scale can be destructive. Realizing this, it is possible to control your condition; otherwise imbalance is inevitable.

Why do people lie?

Most often - out of fear. Afraid to show your weaknesses, afraid to reveal your emotions, trying to appear better or not wanting to share something personal. If the lie consists of harmless little things, for example, about personal life, about one’s attitude towards a sport or some everyday trifles, then this is explained by an internal fear of revealing one’s personal opinion. If such people are caught in a lie, i.e. tell them the truth, which they tried to keep silent about, then they may become withdrawn, stop the dialogue, and become upset from their own dissatisfaction.

If close people, for example, spouses, are forced to deceive each other, then the situations here can be very multifaceted. For example, mistrust. Or a reluctance to upset. Or the realization of a complete misunderstanding of each other. Or simply fear of a known negative reaction.

White lie

But we are most often forced to lie to those close to us. Why does this happen, because there is no one closer than our family, whom we love and trust? The answer is simple: we protect them. Yes, yes, white lies or salvation are sacred. And there are many cases when the truth, whatever it may be, is completely unnecessary for a loved one. Perhaps by deceiving a loved one, we receive certain benefits, for example, peace of mind and avoidance of scandal. But we don’t create nervous shocks. Usually you have to hide a bad truth - offensive, unprofitable, sometimes murderous. Maybe it’s really worth taking care of your loved ones?

Sometimes we have to deceive our loved ones not for our own benefit, but for their own benefit. For example, to maintain morale, encourage, give extra compliments and give self-confidence. It doesn’t cost us anything to lie that our husband, for example, is the most talented, worthy of championship in the city. This will only support him, inspire him and give him strength to work! Remember Freud? You need to tell people what you expect them to see. If you constantly repeat to a lazy person that he is the most hardworking and very smart, then he will become good. He will want to become the way he is seen.

You have to lie and be a hypocrite for the sake of preserving the relationship. For example, a momentary infatuation with the opposite sex is not a reason to tell your spouse about it. It is customary to hide such weaknesses. And they are not worth attention... Or, another example of a noble lie: an adult son told his terminally ill father that he would be lost without him, and the old man began to recover, feeling his need.

Is the truth always needed?

We also have to tell the truth. This is always difficult, requires emotional stress, and it is possible that the truth can become a cause of conflict. However, sometimes even against the background of a conflict, the truth spills out, dictated by resentment or anger. But here the truth already borders on meanness, because it can be said not for the sake of the truth itself, but for the sake of causing offense to a person. Again, you need to learn to control your emotions so that you don’t regret what you said later, or pay for it your whole life.

Sometimes, in an excited emotional state, people are able to say things that are perceived as true. However, these may be fictitious facts, deliberately exaggerated and false, but said with the aim of causing offense. The most interesting thing is that people perceive loved ones much more emotionally, to whom they are not indifferent. This is why quarrels between loved ones can cause greater pain than conflicts with strangers. Naturally, in such skirmishes, an emotionally unstable state has a much greater chance.

Joint empathy or joy, problem solving or mutual assistance - all this is an important factor in society. And this applies not only to relatives or spouses. Colleagues, friends, girlfriends, classmates, neighbors - you can build trusting relationships with everyone.

Delicate lies

Delicate lies occur between partners in bed. Here are just examples of holy lies, with the help of which it is important to preserve relationships and support a partner. Let's say the man didn't succeed... So what now? Who doesn’t it happen to... Of course, a disappointed woman will furiously lie that this is not the main thing for her, that his presence is more important to her and that she knows that sexual giants like him have misfires. And it’s not such a lie, if you look at it like this.

It’s worse if you have to lie about the pleasure of sex, fake an orgasm and pretend to be very satisfied with intimacy. However, there is nothing wrong with being grateful for wonderful moments and indescribable sensations. If spouses have to lie to each other about this topic and achieve an idyll, why not? Why not please your partner in this way if it’s physically impossible? To lie, but to save the self-esteem of a man or woman is a sacred matter. Sometimes men have to be disingenuous when they see that a woman in bed experiences certain complexes or cannot open up.

Such a lie is necessary and important, and the response will be not just gratitude, but also respect. So it's worth remembering.

But men sometimes know how to provoke lies with their stupid behavior. For example, pestering him with questions about the number of men the woman had before her relationship with him. What tactlessness! What difference does it make how much happened before it, if during it she didn’t have a single leftist, sorry. A tactful woman will not be rude by putting the jealous Othello in his place, but will lie at best. And who will benefit from this? The most interesting thing is that the truth about fifteen men before him will not satisfy the curious groom, but will only lead to jealousy (and unfounded) and frustration.

And what follows from all this?

Lies surround us. It is necessary, it cannot be sorted or fenced off. We must learn to understand it and use it. You cannot demand that people around you tell only the truth or lie to them outright; it is important to feel balance. And when people can trust you, then you yourself will feel that you are hearing the truth that is hidden from others.

It is undesirable to live “with your soul wide open.” This does not mean that you are deceiving everyone. Sometimes not saying something does not mean “deceiving” at all. After all, there are no people without secrets, just as there is no area without secrets.

How to “spot” a deceiver

Since few people have good skills in physiognomy and psychology, this can be used. By being able to identify types of people by face and speech, you can expose the deceiver. At the same time, having this knowledge, you can lie beautifully and efficiently.

For example, you need to lie confidently, but without fanaticism. An inexperienced deceiver will stutter, but will very actively prove something of his own. That's not how they tell the truth. Trying to zealously interest the listener, drawing his attention to certain moments, the interlocutor will stumble upon a wall and will not inspire trust.

Blackmail with feelings or emotions - sure sign lies. The emphasis on long friendship, or family feelings, or material gain indicates that the interlocutor has no arguments left on the issue under discussion.

In general, lying should not be a source of profit and a means to achieve one's own goals. You shouldn’t turn it into your weapon, and then you can always be in harmony with your own conscience.

interpersonal society lies philosophical

Today, few people doubt the relevance of studying the problem of lies and attitudes towards it modern man. All too often each of us encounters this phenomenon. Eternal problem human sincerity, deception and lies have more than once become the subject of various discussions in fiction, philosophy, sociology and psychology. But to answer the main question: "Why people cheat?», it is necessary to decide what a lie is and how it affects the world around us.

Let's make an excursion into the etymology of the term “lie”. IN explanatory dictionary V.I. Dahl we find the following definition: “A lie is something that is lied, words, speeches that are contrary to the truth. To lie - to lie, to speak or write a lie, an untruth, contrary to the truth.”. “A lie is an untruth, a deliberate distortion of the truth; deception"- this interpretation is given in the academic dictionary of the Russian language. From these very specific definitions, the conclusion suggests itself: a lie is something bad that does not imply anything positive, but is this really so? If deception only hides negativity, then why do we often lie to our family and friends? I don’t think we are doing this only for selfish reasons. It turns out that lying cannot be considered as a one-dimensional definition, which means that there is a certain system that explains the nature of this or that distortion of the truth.

There is no specific and generally accepted classification of deception, and by definition there cannot be, since lies are relative. But still, in order to better understand the problem, we will try to identify several types of lies. So, let's start, perhaps, with the type that we associate primarily with the word “lie” - an elementary, selfish lie, as a means of achieving selfish goals. The next type is a disinterested lie, almost artistic, when a person does not distinguish between reality and his own invention. Also worth highlighting is a lie out of compassion, which can be a means of saving the life of another person. And, finally, a social lie, often stated as a duty. Such a lie, in contrast to the undisguised truth, supposedly supports society and civilization from collapse and death.

In the philosophical sciences, truth is defined as the correspondence of knowledge to an object. Truth is a property of knowledge. The value of knowledge is determined by the measure of its truth. As a logical-gnoseological category, truth expresses an assessment of the adequacy of the subject’s knowledge about the world. Truth is inextricably linked with knowledge: it is both the ultimate goal and the main scientific result of knowledge. From my point of view: “Truth” in scope and content is much broader than the concept of “truth”. Truth is a category of the psychology of understanding, expressing not only the adequacy of knowledge about the world, but also its meaningfulness, semantic value for the subject. As a result, we know the truth and understand the truth. Truth is an attribute of the communication channel. The truth always contains a grain of truth. Without this it cannot be true. However, this is not yet enough for a true event to become true in a communicative situation. Unlike the truth of a statement, which is independent of the communication channel, the degree of truthfulness or falsity of a message for communicating people is always determined by the goals of the speaker and listener

It is worth noting that the attitude towards the phenomenon of untruth, lies and deception has changed over the centuries in various states, and radically: from a complete ban on lies and deception to at least partial justification. At the same time, lies were often both condemned and justified. In the latter case, the purpose and consequences of the lie acquired particular importance. With the development of civilization, lies have gone through their stages of development - from lying for the purpose of survival in primitive society to falsification in history, concealment or distortion of information in the media, and so on.

Now, having familiarized yourself with the concepts of lying and deception, having decided what the difference is between truth and truth, I think we can answer the question: “Why do people lie?” But, just as lies themselves are multifaceted, the reasons that force people to lie are also numerous:

• v The desire to be someone we are not really makes us tell lies. Thus, a person passes off what he wants as reality. (You can often meet people who want to appear rich or successful when they are not.)
• v The desire of a person to have something, regardless of whether it is material or not. Then people are ready to go through deception for the sake of their “jackpot”.
• v When a person tries to avoid something, deception always triumphs over the truth. It doesn’t matter what it is: responsibility or just a meeting with an unpleasant person.
• v A lie is a problem of deep experiences, searching for oneself or fighting oneself, which can occur at any period of life. Fear of disappointing loved ones, not being fulfilled, being unnecessary, the desire to disown something or achieve a goal, regardless of humanity - these are our “motivators”.
• v Sometimes people think that “their truth” is shameful, so they resort to deception. Replacing them with fantasies, which are often worse than reality.
• v “White lies” are a cover for many. This is just pseudo concern for others. In fact, in this way, we first of all take care of ourselves.

To summarize, I want to conclude: lying has never been and is not an end in itself - it is just a “tool” of human communication, with the help of which we, not always realizing responsibility, achieve some benefit, primarily for ourselves. The sense of self-preservation is inherent in us from birth, and deception, no matter someone or oneself, I believe relates specifically to it. Therefore, there is no need to be afraid of lies or, on the contrary, to extol it into the Absolute; we need to treat it in exactly the same way as we treat morality, justice, honor and other attributes that distinguish us from animals, namely with reasoning and without fanaticism. That is, it is necessary to observe the notorious “golden mean”.

Why am I so easy to deceive? This question is probably asked by thousands of people all over the world, having once again fallen for the bait of cheaters. There have been so many of these deceptions in life: from childhood to the present day. It’s always the same thing: once again I’m being deceived, I’m being deceived. And once again, I make a vow to myself - never again to believe in people, in honesty and decency. And again and again - everyone deceives me. And easily, without special problems. Like a real sucker. Why? For what? Yes, after all, why do people lie?

• Why do people lie and deceive each other? After all, a lie is comparable to betrayal, the greatest crime...
• Why does everyone always lie to me? Why do I fall for deception, although I have already been taught by bad experience many times? Why am I once again deceived in a person in the same situations?
• Why does a person seem good, but then turns out to be the opposite? And why is it so painful to be deceived in a person?
• How to trust people? How to live and not be afraid of being deceived?

The world we live in moves at super speeds. It is oversaturated with new technologies, many people, and a huge amount of information. Very often it is difficult to keep up with all this, to run ahead of the locomotive. Often we feel like we're at the very end, trudging along and not knowing where it might lead.

The situation is aggravated by the fact that there are a whole mass of people around who for some reason strive to deceive, deceive, and cheat us. We constantly find ourselves in situations where we lose faith in people, in best quality human, such as justice, honesty, the value of truth. How can you trust people when even in simple, primitive situations, we constantly find ourselves in embarrassment where we are deceived. And so time after time, constantly, for many years.

I always buy eggs only at the market, on a proven tray, from a very good, kind saleswoman. Although the eggs are not homemade (after all, homemade eggs can be infected), these eggs are of better quality than store-bought ones. They are not artificial, and the yolk in them is yellow, and the white is such a thick, good consistency. The way it should really be. What can we say - the eggs here are good, so the price is a little higher than in other places. But they are very high quality!

And yesterday a blatant incident happened to me - I was deceived once again and I was once again deceived in a person! As always before my birthday, I went to the market to buy three dozen eggs and cook a lot of delicious dishes. I stood at the counter, waiting for my kind saleswoman to wrap the eggs, and then other customers came up and asked: “Why is it so expensive?” How can I prove to them that the eggs here are very, very, very good. And the yolk is yellow and the white is correct, and in general! Because I always defend what is good and of high quality. After all, it is very important that everything is fair and just. But people didn’t buy anything and went to another stall. And the saleswoman packed the eggs so well - in a special tray for 30 pieces, and three more times with tape, and also with tape. I was sure that she did this for my convenience and in THANKS for her zealous advertising from the bottom of her heart.

I come home, open it, and there are 6 broken eggs. Do you understand? She packed the eggs so well not to show gratitude, but to hide her deception! How can you do this? How can you trust people after this?

And most importantly, a neighbor came to see me, and I told her about this incident. So she looked at my eggs and assured me that the exact same brand was sold in the store, and that they were just as good there, and that they were half the price. Why am I constantly deceived, why am I so easy to deceive?

Even the smallest deception is very bitter. But still it is not as painful as the big one. Of course, the situations in the store and in transport are sad, but tolerable. But similar situations occur in ordinary life. We are deceived in the people closest to us, the pleasant ones. We are deceived at work, we are deceived at home, even by the people we love. We are deceived by husbands and wives, our own children and parents. How to live with this? How to trust people?

Who constantly deceives and who is often deceived?

First you need to understand the psychological nature of deception. Cheaters, deceivers, thieves, and dishonest people have always existed in the world; they have been known since ancient times. Severe penalties and punishments, such as cutting off a hand or long imprisonment, could never eradicate the bad deeds of such people. Needless to say, small lies are a scourge that has always existed everywhere. However, in order to understand the nature of deception, it is necessary to look at it from the opposite - that is, at absolute honesty and truth.

Only in this way, like black on white, can we identify the nature of deception.

So, pure truth, comprehensive honesty are very important categories that are the main values ​​not for everyone, but for many people, namely for those with an anal vector. This type of human personality by nature has an internal orientation towards the truth. For them, honesty is like sacred, pure, correct, but lies, lies, deception are like dirty, wrong, terrible. Such people themselves can never lie, even in critical situations, when the mind understands that it would be better to lie, they cannot open their mouths and tell a lie, it is simply beyond their strength. Honesty and truthfulness of anal people are innate qualities that have always been valued. They allow a person with an anal vector to achieve the desired honor and respect, because he works honestly all his life and does not chase ephemeral success. In a word, a real specialist in her field, a master or craftswoman with “golden hands”.

But how reverse side medals, honesty and the value of truth become a real scourge for anal people. They themselves are unable to deceive, to say even one word of lies, they always buy into someone else’s lies. Seeing a person, even an absolute liar and cheater, they trust him as they trust themselves. Evaluating others through themselves, they, at every new meeting unable to believe that you can tell a big lie, deceive. It is anal people who first strongly believe in people, and then are deceived in people. And this is repeated throughout their lives, over and over again, because innate gullibility does not go away. Of course, no one wants to be a sucker, and for some time after another deception, the anal person does not trust anyone and sits in resentment, but this only happens for a short time. Then he falls for the same bait again.

I am sitting in the “office” of a doctor of some kind of Tibetan medicine. He tells me that I have many diseases that are old and incurable by conventional medicine. But unconventional is what I need. I understand that something is wrong here, because this so-called doctor’s office is located in the city market and his neighbor on the right sells live fish, and his neighbor on the left sells jeans from Indonesia. I understand that the price of these medicines is exorbitant; they cannot cost that much even if they were made entirely of gold. I understand that something is wrong here, that this is a deception. But Lyudka, my Lyudka, a friend with whom I sat at the next table at my last job, said that she was cured of all her problems thanks to these drugs. She met me by chance just yesterday and immediately began to assure me that these were magic medicines that could cure me. Forever. And there will be no more pain, no more suffering. If she is cured, then I will be cured. And so I take out my wallet and pay this mountain of gold, all my savings for the last six months, for this Tibetan garbage, which should help me too. And only then, at home, after 1-2 months, when the pain has not gone away and no changes are observed in the body, I understand that I was deceived. Once again I fell for a lie.

If a person, in addition to the anal vector, also has a visual vector, then this very often further aggravates the situation. A developed visual vector endows a person with such innate qualities as kindness, sympathy, pity, and emotional openness. When communicating with any person, even with someone whom he sees for the first time in his life, he is confident of the same kindness on his part, thus literally idolizing his deceiver. Sometimes it happens that it is the anal-visual women who marry pathological cheaters and constantly fall for the deception of fortune-tellers, sorcerers or psychics.

How to trust people in the modern world?

What to do? How to live and put up with the situation that there are so many deceivers around. And most importantly - how not to get caught, not to be deceived by people?

In fact, there is no answer to the question: how to trust people? Because believing people, thinking that they are all as kind, pure, and truthful as we ourselves are is wrong. This is deliberately erroneous reasoning, which means it will always end in disappointment. In this case, we will always get caught, we will always be deceived, and as a result, we will always become a victim of the deceiver.

No matter how sad it may sound, today in our present situation it is almost impossible to change. There really are a lot of people around us who have deceived, are deceiving and will strive to deceive us. We shouldn’t expect that the world will suddenly change and turn a pleasant face towards us. But putting up with the current situation is also not an option. After all, today there is a simple method for recognizing deceivers and scoundrels, which means that any deception and bitter disappointment in people and human values ​​can be prevented.

Lies... A constant companion in our lives! And does anyone think about how lying affects the person lying? No, not on interpersonal relationships, where this phenomenon once (and great happiness, if not forever!) appeared, not on something shared with another person, but on the liar himself. Today I would like to pay attention to exactly how a lie affects the person who directly generates it.

Since here we are focusing specifically on the destructive characteristics of lies, let us immediately note the following point. Namely: any lie is negative in nature , and any lie is destructive in nature. Unfortunately, people are accustomed to deceiving each other, but shameless lies are not a normal phenomenon, but an immoral act.

Why do people lie

Why do people lie several times a day? Everyday lies are not gross deception, but the concealment of insignificant information, this is a lie “in little things.” Everyone wants to appear better and does not want to spoil relationships with others.

A person who is dishonest with himself and others is forced to live in constant tension from the need to hide the truth. The truth will sooner or later be revealed, and the revealed deception will entail a lot of negative consequences.

Scientists have versions of why people deliberately lie, even when they understand that deception will not lead to anything good: Why does a person lie?

• defensive reaction from shame and awkward situation;
• personal benefit;
• protection from punishment;
• desire to help another person;
• desire to maintain relationships.

If we understand by mechanism what prompts a person to lie, then everything is not so complicated: a person lies in situations where reality does not suit him. And then he seems to “correct” it. The reasons can be different: in one case a person is ashamed of something, he experiences fear, guilt and is overwhelmed with emotions, in another - the person lying, on the contrary, lacks the emotional “charge” of the situation, and he seeks to embellish it by resorting to lies.

Any of us can easily remember how, in distant childhood, we tried to hide from adults, for example, a fat D in our diary, or how we told our friends with genuine enthusiasm about the unprecedented facts of our biography. Meanwhile, children turn into adults, and the mechanism of lying remains the same - “there is a situation that does not suit me in some way, and by distorting it, I bring this situation into line with how good it would be for me.” In other words, this is a need, a desire to “adjust” the situation and circumstances to suit oneself.

Often in a lie you can see something similar to the instinct of self-preservation - a person is driven by fear, and he seems to defend himself with a lie, trying to protect himself - at least from a negative assessment of the person he is lying to, from negative feelings, in connection with which he cannot reveal the truth (usually this is the triad of fear-shame-guilt). It seems to him that a lie is safer than the truth, but is it so?

Is the ability to lie an innate or acquired quality?

A really interesting question because it’s controversial. Today there are studies that show that lying and deceitfulness are an innate quality. More precisely, from birth a person may have a greater or lesser predisposition to lie.

At the same time, no one doubts that lying as a habit - if you resort to it constantly (especially with a positive outcome for the liar) becomes more and more entrenched in a person’s behavior. And this, undoubtedly, indicates the ability to lie as a quality that is formed throughout life. I think the most accurate answer would be this: the ability to lie is innate, but the “degree of mastery” is acquired during one’s lifetime. Moreover, human behavior is not just innate instincts; Every time a person faces a choice - to lie or not to lie, and depending on moral principles(which, by the way, are clearly acquired and not innate!) this choice is made.

What mechanisms does a lie trigger in a person’s head? Are they always harmless?

If we talk about physiological mechanisms, then, as mentioned above, a powerful jump in electromagnetic impulses occurs in the brain, and processes corresponding to stress are launched. It would seem like a harmless lie - be it embellishment for your own pleasure, or, on the contrary, hiding/distorting something, but in the end... headaches! This is exactly the conclusion that American scientists from the University of Notre Dame in Indiana came to: as a result of the experiment, it was found that people who lie are four times (!) more likely to complain of headaches and three times more likely to have psychological discomfort.

A person who lies is anxious, but often the nature of this anxiety is completely incomprehensible to him and is not realized by him. He shows increased irritability, constantly experiencing discomfort. But why does a person not notice the nature of his uncomfortable anxious state?

It's all about overlaying multiple sources

Firstly, since a person has resorted to lying, it means that the situation itself (which he hides or distorts) does not suit him in some way - this is the first thing about which he feels dissatisfaction, dissatisfaction. For some reason, he cannot afford to present something as it is - perhaps this “something” causes him a feeling of shame and guilt. This alone is more than enough to stop feeling relaxed and “smooth.”

Secondly, the liar is worried that he will be caught in a lie, that the truth will “come out” to the surface. When thinking about this, the feelings caused by the real situation (shame, guilt) intensify.

Thirdly, if the person lying is ashamed of his lies, additional corresponding moral experiences are layered and the person suffers over the very fact of lying. As a result, the person is in, let’s say, “mixed” anxiety. As it generalizes, it ceases to be tied to something specific, and the person is left with a feeling of anxiety, but he is not aware of what exactly it is connected with? As a result, the following chain operates in his head: he disguised an undesirable situation with a lie, which means that it seems to not exist; since there is no “sort of” situation, then there shouldn’t be any feelings associated with it (guilt, shame).

Thus, generalized anxiety becomes cut off from its sources, but, naturally, without disappearing, continues to exist.

Why is lying dangerous? No joke!

Already from the above, we can conclude that lying is harmful to physical and psychological health. And we haven’t yet mentioned that lies leave an imprint on cognitive processes person - memory, attention, thinking (I touched on this in more detail here) It is much more difficult for a liar to be collected, focused on some task, since he is constantly under tension due to the fact that he always needs to ensure that all subsequent information emanating from him - converged with the information that he had already passed off as valid. It is clear that this is very energy-consuming for the brain, because a lie concerns a situation that has already been passed, and a person is faced with more and more new tasks that require paying attention to himself as the day goes on (what can we say about a longer period).

Thus, lying is harmful to health, reduces cognitive functions, causes psychological discomfort, and threatens collapse interpersonal relationships for a liar. But most of all, lying is still dangerous because a person gets used to it very quickly. Yes, he experiences enormous stress while the lie floats on the surface, but the incredible relief with which he exhales “fuuuuh, it’s gone!” (if it happened, of course) - it’s still very captivating to lie again. To disguise the inconsistencies caused by lies, a person lies again and again, entangling himself in an immense tangle of untruths. So lying becomes a habitual act for the liar.

As A.P. said Chekhov: “Lies are the same as alcoholism. Liars lie even when they die.”

If people lie all the time, how does this affect their psyche?

If a person lies constantly, then it is appropriate to talk about him here as “pathological lies.” But it should immediately be noted that this is only an everyday concept; there is no such term in clinical diagnostics. Indeed, there are no “norms of lies”, formal boundaries, or scales by which it would be possible to quantitatively measure the untruths produced by a person. Therefore, despite the obvious fact that some people resort to lying when absolutely necessary, some lie more often, and some just constantly, we cannot say about a person who constantly lies that he is mentally ill. Typically, pathological deceit is viewed as something that complements the clinical picture, and not as an independent deviation.

But does “24-hour lies” have any effect on the psyche? Of course it does!

Speaking in simple language, the psyche is what allows us to reflect the world around us, build your picture of this world and, based on it, regulate your behavior. So, it turns out that in a lying person, all the functions of the psyche - reflection, perception, regulation, one might say, to some extent lose their independence and spontaneity. Now all information coming from the outside world, everything perceived has to be correlated, first of all, with the “false yesterday and the day before yesterday.” That is, a liar must, as it were, bring everything new into conformity with what is already distorted - this is how his picture of the world is built. extreme point, when a person is so entangled in a lie, he has endowed it with such a degree of persuasiveness that he already believes in his own words. In addition, characteristics such as decreased self-criticism and impulsivity correspond to a pathological liar.

Who lies most often?

Statistics say that men lie more often than women, and also that the more socially active a person is, the more he lies. But such studies do not stand up to criticism very well, since such conclusions are too unambiguous and averaged.

For example, in some areas, women, on the contrary, are much more successful than men in lying (the most vivid example is about the cost of purchases); women are more prone to embellishment, while men are more prone to hiding information.

Therefore, without referring to statistics, I would say this: most often the one who lies is the one who is not satisfied with reality. Tough, but that's how it is.

By resorting to lies, a person tries to “redefine the situation,” change circumstances, and be different in someone else’s (probably including his own) eyes. A person is trying to “reshape” reality, because the situation, circumstances, some moments of life - for some reason do not suit him, he cannot afford the truth.

7 Phrases People Use When They Blatantly Lie

In fact, it is not very easy to understand that they are lying to you. There are people who do this too openly, and it will not be difficult for you to understand that there is no truth in their words.

However, there are also real masters of deception who are quite difficult to figure out.

So how can you spot those very masters of lies? The best thing to do is analyze what they say and compare it to what they do.

Pay close attention to the words or phrases they use to dismiss any doubts about their lies.

Here you will find 7 common phrases that liars use so that no one can detect the lies in their words.

How to understand that a person is lying

Such a phrase may imply that the liar made a mistake, but since there is no evidence of his words, he does not admit to lying.

When someone deliberately hides some information, he will be careful in his words. If you hear someone using this phrase, know that they may be lying or hiding something from you.

Memory lapses are very common among pathological liars. You've probably heard that for such a person it is extremely difficult to follow the chain of what was said so that the lie was reliable.

If you manage to catch such a person in a lie, he will simply begin to complain that he simply does not remember that he said or did something. This helps them to deceive. Quite convenient, isn't it?

This is a direct denial. If liars deny something, they try to do it to the maximum. You know that they understand perfectly well what you are talking about, but they will not renounce their own lies. It is extremely difficult to convince such people to accept the fact that they are lying.

What an innocent expression appears on the face of liars who say this short phrase! Their mocking smile is simply unbearable. They use this phrase to make you look like a fool who is suspicious of them. This is their defense mechanism, which helps them switch from the purpose of the conversation. Don't fall for it!

Instead of answering your questions or comments, they start answering your question with a question. This is how they try to get out of the situation so that they don’t have to answer your leading questions. If they start asking you questions like this, they are definitely lying. They will try to avoid as much as possible the opportunity to penetrate into the depth of the issue.

7. “Youyou thinkIoncapable of this(on)?»

Again, the whole burden of the argument shifts to you after such a question. The liar is trying to turn himself into a victim, and this time he is using this phrase to make you feel guilty about something you didn't even do. In some cases it works, no matter how much we hate to admit it.

Liars will go to great lengths to hide their lies. They never admit their mistakes. Trying to force them to do this is almost always futile. If someone says these phrases to you, you need to know how to react.

For example, if someone says they don't remember doing or saying something (point 3), you can ask them what it is they remember. An honest person will answer you without hesitation, while a liar will hesitate, thereby preparing a new fictitious story.

We can all lie sometimes at one point or another in our lives. I believe this is true. I know I can lie when the need arises to protect those I love or when I feel I am in danger.

But there are people who lie as easily as they breathe. In fact, if they couldn't lie, I think they would be torn apart.

Liars sometimes believe their own lies. Lies become a part of their life and are mixed with the true facts they say. It's amazing to watch a liar at work, and if you know such a person, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Types of Liars in Your Life

Now let's talk about people who lie like no other. People who lie as easily as they breathe usually belong to a certain type. They often suffer from mental or personality disorders.

But there are also those who hide their illnesses and do it very well. It may take years to understand the extent of their inappropriate behavior and the number of lies they tell. These are the people who are more likely to lead double lives.

Psychopaths

Psychopathy- a psychopathological syndrome manifested as callousness towards others, a reduced ability to empathize, an inability to sincerely repent of causing harm to other people, deceit, self-centeredness and superficiality of emotional reactions.

Do you know anyone who has psychosis? You may not know this for sure. Psychopath - not necessarily cruel man. He can be cute and lively in appearance normal life. If you don't communicate closely with him, you may not even suspect that there is something wrong with his head, but it's just the opposite.

Psychopaths are some of the biggest liars because everything they do is based on deception.

They lack empathy and work on their charm to get everything they want at the expense of your safety or feelings. Lying is second nature to a psychopath who would rather lie to gain gain than tell the truth to help others.

Extroverts

For an extrovert, it is important that people around him pay attention to him and perceive him in the way he needs. He is much more dependent on the opinions of others. Think about it: When you hang out with extroverts, you run the risk of hearing more lies.

Some extroverts, when in their usual environment, will begin to lie as easily as they breathe, and after a while they will even begin to believe the lies they tell. It's all about status and pressure from others. All this can turn people into real monsters who just want to have more friends. It's a sad truth, but a truth nonetheless.

Narcissistic people

It's no surprise that narcissistic people are more likely to lie. If we look at their personality traits, we see a desire for attention, lies, a lack of empathy and an eternal search for the culprit - the character of a narcissistic person is created in order to preserve a certain individuality. The reason a narcissist uses this weapon is because of inner emptiness.

The narcissist's true personality is buried so deep inside that he creates a false life around himself that he desperately wants to turn into truth.

They compete for attention to maintain this false individuality, lying and withholding empathy for others. When others begin to see through this façade, the narcissist becomes angry and begins to lie even more. Unfortunately, most narcissistic people never change, and they remain liars forever.

Sociopaths

This is a man with real psychological problem who does not know how to live properly in society. He does not comply with laws and decency, does not worry about the opinions of others, easily oversteps other people's interests, causing harm and pain. An inquisitive, sophisticated mind suggests a sociopath a lot of tricks and tricks for successfully manipulating people. He does not engage in “soul-searching”, analyze his actions, and does not experience pangs of conscience. He is confident that he is right and does not see anything wrong in his behavior.

A sociopath is not a closed person who hides from people. All his actions are aimed only at personal gain. Whether he is capable of sincere deep feelings (love, friendly affection) is a controversial issue. A sociopath does not need close connections; he keeps people close to him only as long as they can be beneficial to him in some way.

A sociopath's lies are easier to spot, but that makes them even more cunning. If you make them angry, you will be deceived. They live and breathe lies for as long as they can maintain a calm demeanor. Otherwise, their pathological lies will lose meaning, and this will benefit others.

Pathological liars

Sometimes you don't have to be psychotic or in love to live a life of endless lies. Pathological liars seem as normal as everyone else until you catch them lying. But no matter how hard you try, a pathological liar will not admit to lying, and if you think this is an isolated incident, think again.

Pathological liars deny lies until their last breath, and with the same zeal they lie to everyone and about everything.

Even when there is no reason to lie, they do it for fun. They really enjoy it and find it incredibly difficult to tell the truth.

Youth

Did you know that young people tend to lie in incredible quantities? If you think about it, you will understand the meaning. For the most part, students tend to lie easily—and to lie about things that don't even matter.

Statistics show that the older you get, the less likely you are to lie, which also supports this theory.

So who are they lying to? Young people may lie to their friends, but more lies are told to their families and loved ones. They usually use lies to get what they want in times of great need, or to stay out of an issue that makes sense. The older you get, the more independence you have and the less need to lie.

Sellers

This is easy for most of us to understand, but let me put it into perspective for you. I worked in sales for many years, selling beauty products, health care products, and other products. I was taught to lie all the time to sell products. My bosses made me say things like “The product is the best”, “Its effects are proven” and so on. I was also made to lie that I used this product and absolutely loved it, which in most cases was very far from the truth.

As a salesperson, I lied every day. I lied about why the prices were so high and why the shipping was so expensive. I lied and lied and lied until I began to believe everything that came out of my mouth. I ended up quitting that job because I just couldn't lie anymore. Salespeople do lie, sometimes almost like psychopaths, and sometimes they themselves become disordered.

Do you know people who lie?

Well, of course you know. I bet that if you are not that prone to lying, you see a liar every day. You might see them at the gym, at the market, or even in your office.

Everyone lies, but people who lie as easily as they breathe are dangerous, and you should definitely be aware of their presence. Because if they can lie so easily, then your feelings and well-being will not be a concern for them.

Don't let these liars go, but remain an honest and loyal person. You will be proud that you did it.

A lie is just a “distortion of actual information”, in fact, a lie distorts the usual ways of behavior of a liar, his normal emotional state, his way of thinking.