Rules for communicating with suspicious people. A surefire sign of toxic communication. Which individuals become maniacs?
Perhaps each of us considers himself an absolutely self-sufficient person, not subject to any external influences. But this is far from true. We are all to some extent dependent on our immediate environment, which inevitably influences the formation of our goals, plans and intentions.
The influence of the people around us on us seems to be a kind of given, which should always be taken into account. We cannot be absolutely independent from others, ignoring their desires and assessments.
Cynicism is an unpleasant way to tell the truth.
Lillian Hellman
Asking questions
From time to time, any person has a desire to conquer certain peaks in professional, creative or personal sphere. Achieving success in this case will be influenced by many different factors - the degree of motivation, self-discipline, willingness to take responsibility for decisions made and their implementation, hard work and ability to overcome difficulties. Of course, here much will depend on the person himself, his ability to coordinate efforts, directing them to the right direction. However, the environment will also play its (even episodic) role, facilitating or, on the contrary, hindering our movement towards the goal.That is why every person should ask a number of important questions: “Who do I spend most of my time with?”, “How do these people behave towards me?”, “Are they providing me with real help or are they just throwing around promises?”, “What benefits can I get from communicating with the people around me?” and so on.
Analyze this...
Having answered these questions, analyze the time you spend on each specific acquaintance. Is it constructive and useful enough for you? Perhaps you will come to the opposite conclusions.
- Think about how each person in your life influences you.
- What did he recommend you learn and read?
- What places did you recommend visiting?
- How did it influence your own thoughts and moods?
- What did you think about?
After conducting such a mini-analysis, a lot will become clear to you. You will be able to determine who is a helper for you and who, on the contrary, does not play any positive role in your life. Having discovered among your friends/acquaintances those people who can hinder or are already hindering your personal growth, get rid of them. To do this, you don’t need to resort to any radical measures - just change your environment. This is also worth doing because a new (favorable) social circle will definitely add inspiration to you, which will push you to new exploits and achievements. You will be surprised at how your life will change!
Some acquaintances have a detrimental effect on our self-esteem and life position, undermine confidence in our strengths, thereby significantly hindering our development as individuals. Refuse any communication with such people. Don’t be afraid to draw a certain boundary between yourself and such people, minimizing or completely eliminating any contacts that are unfavorable for you.
Remember: it is better to have dinner alone than to take part in a conversation that is unpleasant to you and which you support solely out of politeness. It is better to refuse to meet with someone who will only waste your time. It is better to move the conversation to another topic if it stresses you out and leaves a negative aftertaste. Say a resounding “no!” those people and affairs with which you want nothing to do. Of course, this can make you come across as harsh and perhaps somewhat cynical, however, it is much more important to show firmness now than to regret later about wasted time.
Close people
It happens that the wrong environment includes our loved ones (parents, relatives), whom we cannot get rid of and erase them from our lives. What to do in this case? Accept them for who they are. Can be found in every person positive side, some qualities that will definitely arouse your admiration and in a certain way will smooth out the negative general impression of such a person. Remember: people are capable of change, and perhaps if you believe in the people you care about and support them, they will truly become better people.
What to do?
You can ask a very reasonable question: “ And with whom to communicate in this case?" The answer is extremely simple - with the right people!Start making acquaintances with people who have goals similar to yours and have a similar life position. Take an example from those who have achieved something in life - let them serve as an additional source of inspiration for you! An updated circle of friends will help you overcome your usual limited thinking and outdated patterns of behavior, thereby moving your life to a new, better level.
Please note the right people– these are not necessarily super-successful, rich and high-ranking individuals. These are, first of all, people with developed inner world, which can somehow enrich our lives by bringing fresh thoughts and ideas into it.
Around every person there are people whose communication with them is exhausting and deprives you of energy. In relationships with such people, it is very important to develop the right tactics in order not to succumb to their attempts to manipulate. It is important to learn to protect yourself from them negative influence and emotional toxicity. How to do it? Let's look at 10 secrets for dealing with negative people.
1. Practice saying no.
There are people who often use their negative energy to persuade people around them to do their will. It is very important to learn to recognize such attempts and refuse. Start practicing refusals to communicate with such people, and after some time, your friend will understand that his tactics do not work with you and will leave you behind.
2. Laugh it off.
A sense of humor and its skillful use is a universal way to protect against all types of manipulators. Humor will help you maintain distance and get out of awkward situations that await you in relationships with people. Make a joke whenever you come across people like this, and your relationship will develop normally.
3. Don't be sorry.
There is a category of people who like to try on the image of a victim. Almost the whole world is unfair to them, they suffer from everything, and they turn to you with a request, if not to help, then at least to sympathize. Under no circumstances should you feel sorry for such people! From the position of a defender and an understanding person, you will very quickly be transferred to the position of another aggressor. When another chronic whiner comes to you, just point out to him the reason for his suffering - that is, himself.
4. Expose the manipulator.
In any situation, regardless of who is trying to manipulate you and in what way, say so directly. Expose the manipulator's crafty scheme and tell him that these tricks will not work with you. In 99% of cases, you will be offended and accused of cruelty, misunderstanding and other sins. Don't pay attention - this is just a continuation of attempts to manipulate you.
5. Ask questions.
Sometimes it's very easy to get rid of attacks negative people, leading them through leading questions to understand that they are behaving incorrectly. Of course, you shouldn’t do this in every contact with such people - it’s enough to put the person in his place once. Most manipulators use toxic techniques unconsciously, or even automatically, because they have not been taught other methods of interaction. In this case, you can help such people get rid of toxic habits.
6. Point out manifestations that you consider unacceptable.
In extreme cases, when a person does not respond to any other methods, you can resort to drastic suppression negative manifestations. In a conversation with a person directly, looking into his eyes, tell him which of his actions are unacceptable in a relationship with you. This method will help you protect yourself from most of the unpleasant situations associated with such people.
7. Do not show emotions under any circumstances!
Quite often, the manipulator's goal is to drive you into extreme emotions. This is fear, guilt, anger. They do this to gain control over you and gain a psychologically superior position. Therefore, when communicating with such people, it is better not to give free rein to your emotions, so as not to give them the slightest chance to take control of you.
8. Be tolerant.
Accepting a person for who he is is one of the ways to defeat negativity once and for all. Acceptance is something that a manipulator does not expect from you at any price. Show the person that you absolutely do not care how he behaves, and that no matter what, you still continue to treat him kindly. This often disarms people, especially aggressors.
9. Empathize.
For the most part, these people are deeply unhappy. Often the cause of their negative manifestations is childhood psychological trauma inflicted by parents and loved ones. Therefore, try to understand the wounded soul and show sympathy. This will help you accept the actions of such people and respond to their toxicity more kindly.
10. Offer an alternative option.
This trick is best used when they are trying to manipulate or persuade you to do something. Just show the person that there is another way to solve the problem without resorting to using other people. For example, the next time a friend comes to you to cry into his vest, give him a business card of a psychotherapist you know.
Toxic relationships can arise with toxic people - the term “energy vampire” has become popular in common parlance.
A person calls - and you don’t want to pick up the phone at all, although you need to pick up! It is necessary to answer - this is a call at work or from a close relative. And there are no objective reasons not to answer, but I really don’t want to do it! Not to mention calling and writing yourself.
Or you just don’t want to go to an event where a certain person will be present; and you want to lie, say you are sick, or are extremely busy, just to miss a meeting - although in normal times it could please you or be useful...
And after communicating with such a person, for some reason you feel negative emotions: anxiety, discouragement, guilt, feelings of worthlessness or unpaid debt. The feeling is as if he was walking through a minefield, although the person is not doing anything bad: he is not insulting, humiliating, threatening... At least, he is clearly not humiliating or threatening, but the feeling is as if he is holding a knife behind his back and in any way. the moment can take advantage of it.
I'm ashamed to admit these negative thoughts and feelings; after all, this is a normal, ordinary person, sometimes connected to us by family ties or friendships. But it makes me sick, to be honest; as in Sartre’s novel, in his presence or even after thinking about him, life begins to be filled with some kind of dark sticky substance, causing disgust; the bright and light world becomes painted in sepia, as one philosopher aptly put it.
Everything takes on a dirty hue, our achievements become insignificant, our dreams become ridiculous, and our energy disappears somewhere after a short conversation.
And I want to lie down with my face to the wall and not move. And cry - although there seems to be nothing to cry about. And fight painful anxiety, although there are no objective reasons for it.
This is a consequence of toxic communication.
There are toxic gases: sarin, mustard gas. Or toxic chemicals that corrode everything around us - this is roughly how toxic communication affects us.
Chingiz Aitmatov said that spoiled food can make the stomach sick. This is the reaction of a healthy body to spew out poison. But the brain cannot spew out toxic fumes, words, thoughts, feelings, information - it is forced to absorb and process everything. And there is nausea, of course, but no saving eruption. Only in young children after toxic communication can a “psychic release”—hysteria—occur. An adult is restrained, educated, accustomed to control his reactions; But a feeling of “moral nausea” is an unmistakable sign of toxic communication.
Toxic relationships can occur with toxic people - a term that has become popular in common parlance "energetic vampire". In appearance, these are quite normal people who function quite successfully in society; It’s just that they use other people’s energy to function.
Sam Vankin uses the word "narcissus"; However, the point is not in the definition, but in the properties of such a person. He is excellent at entering into relationships, evoking trust and even sympathy; this is inherent in almost all bloodsuckers - to begin with, they inject an anesthetic liquid or even slightly paralyze the victim with poisonous fumes - light anesthesia, hypnosis... This is necessary to overcome resistance.
And the “facade” of a toxic person is quite pleasant and beautiful, even too beautiful, like a gingerbread house. In his life there were bright and dramatic events, even tragedies, losses and misfortunes, which he survived with honor. There were also pursuers, enemies who still cause him a lot of harm and follow his successes. He has achieved a lot - in the past. And he enjoyed respect and well-deserved honors.
For example, the heroine had a fight with her insidious and cruel husband. Or broke a nail. Or a colleague at work looked askance at her - all this is a reason to immediately involve you in solving a global problem. Dramatization of the most ordinary and insignificant incidents hypnotizes the interlocutor, although much more serious events personally happen to him, and he needs help and attention no less, and sometimes more, than a toxic person.
The malignant narcissist's enormous ego consumes others' time and energy like a black hole. And you become convinced that this character doesn’t care at all about your problems; he talks only about himself.
A toxic person perceives attempts to interrupt communication as an insult; he immediately begins to demand an answer - why didn’t you answer the call? Why didn’t you write a message or didn’t write right away? Don't you understand that friendship comes with obligations? Please explain! The toxic narcissist does not understand and does not want to understand the word “no” in its simplest and most ordinary meaning. And if you previously innocently established a “friendship” or personal relationship with him, the toxic personality will begin to punish and persecute you, attracting strangers to his side, enlisting the support of society.
And advice to “step aside” sometimes sounds mocking - you would be happy to step aside, but a step to the left, a step to the right is an attempt to escape, after which the toxic character has the right to shoot to kill. And, as it turns out, in the past he “shot” many: he ruined his business and personal reputation, drove him to neurosis and depression, followed and persecuted him for years - toxic people are unusually vengeful, and you are now a runaway slave who is caught in order to be subjected to harsh punishment.
And weaker people follow the lead of the toxic slave owner, believing that it is better to give in. Overcoming nausea, talk, listen, support, promise, admire achievements... - and that’s all.
Psychological slavery can last a lifetime, distorting the life and psyche of the victim. You have to tear it out right away, although this is not so easy - the tick bites in with all its might. The only way– deprive him of oxygen, then the grip will weaken.
First, you need to get rid of the feeling of guilt that a toxic person successfully instills in you. Guilt has nothing to do with conscience:
- conscience regulates human relations in accordance with moral standards;
- guilt associated with a specific person whose interests you allegedly infringed.
It is not for nothing that “guilt” used to be called the amount of a fine, say, for murder - he killed, admitted “guilt”, paid “guilt” - two silver hryvnia. The prices of the wine were quite reasonable, they could count out the change or allow them to create something else cheaper...
This is why it is so important for the narcissist to make you accept the blame and pay, pay, pay.
Nothing will happen to him or her without you, he or she will get along just fine without you - toxic people from childhood easily find new victims, like mosquitoes or leeches. And it is naive to think that a poor mosquito or spider will die of hunger if you do not let it drink blood; these creatures function perfectly and find food. There are so many kind and trusting people in the world!
But you should worry about yourself; the narcissist is merciless towards those who abandon him, thereby belittling his grandiose self. But the sooner you stop communicating, the better.
From experience I can say that the simplest and most sincere words can be the most effective; need to become a child. The child is whole, protected by this integrity; he may still feel “sick” emotionally; and the child can sincerely say: “I feel bad. For some reason I feel nauseous and have a headache. There's something wrong with you. I can’t explain, but I don’t feel good after talking with you, I don’t know what’s wrong with me”...
Indeed, there is nothing to object to; a toxic person can manipulate everything and achieve everything through threats, blackmail, pressure for pity - but what can you say after simple and sincere words - “I feel very bad after talking to you!”.
Of course there will be words like " did you think about me? What does it feel like to be left alone with my problems!”, – but the ghoul has nothing more to say.
The child’s position in this case is unshakable if you avoid discussion and debate, in which you will be convinced in no time that you are not feeling bad at all! On the contrary, it's good! And if it’s bad, lie down for five minutes and everything will go away!
There is one subtlety here - the narcissist is terribly afraid for himself. He doesn't care at all about you, naturally. But isn’t the deterioration in your well-being connected with a threat to the toxic person himself? What if something bad or threatening happens to him? Are you a kind of marker, thermometer or tonometer that indicates trouble? Fear for yourself can cause a toxic narcissist to leave you alone and look for a new victim full of fresh energy.
This method of “childish spontaneity” for scaring away a toxic narcissist only works, of course, if we're talking about about a stranger.
And then only at an early stage, before you get stuck in pathological and destructive relationships. A toxic person very quickly destroys psychological defenses and personality boundaries, claims to be the role of “only friend,” “lover,” “faithful comrade,” although you were absolutely not ready to offer him this title - he usurped it without your consent, “pushing” you little by little.
It all starts with the first concession, with the first consent, with the first conversation about the problems of the narcissist at an inconvenient time for you... This is a terrorist, during communication with whom he can develop "Stockholm Syndrome" – the victims got used to the aggressors and even began to protect them, such is the paradox. And it took a long-term work of a psychologist to “sober up” the former hostage and again begin to distinguish good from evil, to protect one’s personal boundaries from encroachments.
The comparison to a terrorist is entirely acceptable; no wonder one of the tips to avoid slavery - do not look the narcissist in the eyes, look away. The military gives exactly the same advice to those who have become hostages of terrorists - to attract as little attention as possible and not look the aggressors in the eye.
But in general, there are ways to get rid of toxic communication if we are talking about strangers.
Much more dangerous, of course, are toxic people with whom, by the will of fate, we find ourselves in a family relationship. These may be parents, brothers, sisters, other relatives, but they have the same narcissistic characteristics: complete emotional contempt for the needs and emotions of the child. Although this contempt and indifference can be combined with increased care and attention, they, in turn, are also aggressive and toxic.
Toxic narcissists lack empathy, the ability to perceive the feelings of another person at the soul level - although everything is fine with their intellect. Other people are dolls. And the attitude of toxic parents towards a child is the attitude of a child towards a doll.
There was such an experiment, very simple - a child was seated in front of a doll and asked to describe what he saw. The child innocently described the interior of the room. “What does the doll see?” asked the experimenter; the child again truthfully described what he himself saw. He had no idea that the doll saw everything completely differently...
The narcissist remains a child in this sense, having lost his childish sincerity and ingenuousness, but retaining his egocentrism. And such parents can literally harm their children, perhaps without meaning to.
Here we must decide on definitions. There are the “toxic people” we talked about before. But there are ordinary people, normal people, capable of doing the right things, a good relationship; but it is in relation to you that they deliberately behave toxically - they steal, so to speak, energy. Which they will then quite good-naturedly take to those who are truly dear to them.
So the executioners, having washed their bloody hands, carried home the belongings of the executed; they gave them to wives and children to whom they were sincerely attached - that was the custom.
And such a person deliberately “robs” and “executes” us, feeding his precious “ego” in order to function even more successfully as a father, husband, worker...
"Gaslighting
A truly toxic person spreads poison, like Pushkin’s anchar, unconsciously - he was born that way. And it is difficult to blame a worm or a tick for what constitutes their essence. But it’s hard not to sympathize with those who are close to the “anchar”, especially if these are children who have neither awareness of the situation nor the opportunity to get out of his poisonous shadow...
Communication toxins manifest themselves in “enveloping aggression”, which at first glance is difficult to recognize.
- What's invasive about your mom coming to your apartment while you're away and cleaning up? Washing clothes, washing dishes, moving furniture?
- What’s wrong with parents doing renovations in a teenager’s room without consulting him - they’re doing the renovations with their own money! And they looked into the diary along the way - was there anything forbidden written there?
- Or a husband reads his wife’s chat messages - does she have anything to hide? We're close and loving people, what personal boundaries are you talking about? Everything seems like aggression to you, it must! It's time to see a psychiatrist!
This suggestion – to see a psychiatrist – is a further manifestation of aggression, so-called “gaslighting”.
In the scary Hitchcock film, the wife said that the gas lamps somehow burned dimly in the evening, somehow incorrectly. And the husband answered that it seemed to her; illusion and hallucination, optical illusion! The unfortunate woman almost reached psychosis, and at that time her husband was secretly rummaging around in the attic - looking for hidden jewelry. And he turned on gas lamps there, because of which the gas pressure in the lamps decreased and the light dimmed...
"Gaslighting“- one of the signs of toxic communication, when they hint to you that you are not quite adequate. And the reason for your irritation or suspicion is not in the actions of a loved one, but in your abnormal reaction, incorrect perception.
Toxic communication manifests itself in devaluation, when every success you have is really a success? In the desire to speak the so-called “truth in the face” - protecting oneself with the mask of a truth-seeker, uttering the wildest insults with impunity, uttering the introductory phrase: “Just don’t be offended!” – this phrase unmistakably indicates a toxic relationship.
There are a lot of ways of aggressive and toxic influence, all of them can only be listed in a global study, but the main point is toxic relationships and toxic people destroy your personal boundaries. Immediately or gradually, roughly or softly, openly or secretly - but this is the main sign of a toxic relationship.
Personal boundaries determine the security and independence of our personality, its freedom and full functioning in the world. It is very similar to the borders of a state - they exist, they must be protected, and they can be violated secretly or openly and aggressively. But in any case, this threatens the security of the country, it is aggression and a threat.
Personal boundaries are determined by invisible receptors; the individual instinctively decides what distance is acceptable when communicating, what violates boundaries, what causes pain and anxiety. And the feeling of discomfort when communicating, Sartre’s “nausea” from a person, a feeling of anxiety, as when crossing a minefield, is a clear sign that boundaries are being “pushed through” and violated. Consciously or unconsciously is a separate question, but it is necessary to deal with pain - understand its cause, step back if it is an external source, and undergo an examination if the source is internal.
The problem of a toxic relationship can cost a person his life and health, physical and mental. And truly toxic people are simply dangerous; their psyche is in a borderline state and at any moment their emotional reactions can get out of control.
There are antidotes and antidotes against poisonous gases, but in each specific case there is a specific antidote. And we must simply run away from toxic strangers and refuse to communicate with them, without succumbing to heartbreaking stories and “series” in which we absolutely do not want to get a role - they are too monotonous and low-quality. Yes and main character– toxic narcissist – evokes neither approval nor sympathy...
Instructions
Remember that there is no genetic predisposition to mania. What makes a person abnormal are circumstances, lifestyle, and upbringing. Therefore, if you know a person’s life well, then, after analyzing it, you can tell whether he is prone to mania or not.
In society there are people with both strong nervous system, and with the weak. But even very weak, “weak-willed” people can become maniacs only after they have experienced very strong stress. Such people get excited in response to the most harmless remark. If there is someone like this in your environment, then help him morally as much as possible, do not let him become offended by the whole world and begin to take revenge.
Be careful with a stranger. First of all, this applies to ladies. Surprisingly, but true: there are practically no women among maniacs. Even if there are such people, they are not really women. These are transsexuals. Receiving sadistic pleasure from violence is the lot of men.
If you notice that someone is looking at you intently and attentively, then perhaps a maniac has paid attention to you. He is purposeful and focused. But don't look away. Answer him: look straight at him firmly and piercingly. The maniac does not like to be looked at in the face and will most likely stop hunting, feeling your confidence.
If someone meets you in a crowded place, take a closer look at the person. He can be very sweet and pleasant. But some turns of speech still give him away. A whole group of scientists worked on isolating the words characteristic of maniacs. Lots of thoughtful gasps, sighs, and groans; lack of emotions, colorful and vivid descriptions (only cause-effect chains); the conversation is mainly about primitive needs - to eat, drink, buy; We talk about everything, even about the present, only in the past tense.
When meeting people online, don’t rush to a date. Communicate, ask questions, share your experiences. But if you doubt anything, cancel the meeting. And be sure to talk to the person first, at least on Skype. His manner of speaking and appearance more than a thousand written messages will tell you. After all, back in the 19th century, Lombroso, a prison doctor, tried to describe the characteristic signs of a maniac in appearance. He noted the unusualness of the ears, the sloping forehead, the roughness of the folds on the face, and wavy hair. Although these observations are very relative, it makes sense to listen to your own intuition. History knows cases when such psychopaths were sweet, charming, and won the hearts of those around them.
Sexual maniacs are insinuating, quiet and calm. But the slightest wrong action from you - and he is unpredictable. It’s better not to irritate him, but to agree and calm him down. And try to leave.
Draw your circle of friends carefully and don't trust strangers. This The best way minimize the likelihood of meeting a maniac.
Sources:
- maniacs psychology
Each of us knows who sexual maniacs are. These are mentally ill people, preoccupied and obsessed with one thing - satisfying their physiological sexual needs. How to distinguish a maniac from ordinary person. There are a few common features that will help you avoid becoming a victim of a criminal.
Instructions
Think about the topics on which you communicate with the person. A sexual maniac turns every conversation to the topic of sex. As soon as he hears any word related to this topic from you, his eyes immediately light up.
Watch your personal space. Maniacs usually communicate over a very short distance, get in your face, and touch your body. If during communication you have an unpleasant feeling, you feel disgusted, think about it.
Listen to the manner of speech. Maniacs have it special. Quiet muttering under one's breath, barely intelligible, in most cases accompanied by smacking and chewing.
Observe behavior. Deviations such as fussiness, excessive tension, shifting eyes, etc. should make you think that this is a maniac in front of you.
Pay attention - if after five minutes of meeting a person asks you to have sex. In psychology, this phenomenon is called a manifestation of hypersexuality. And all maniacs, as we know, are hypersexual and are constantly in search of an object to satisfy their physiological needs.
Look for a partner. Maniacs rarely work alone. Mostly there are two or three of them. If they start pestering you, look around. Perhaps someone else is constantly watching you.
Look at the person's appearance. Look for any oddities in clothing. Often, when going to work, maniacs put on clothes that they don’t wear at home. ordinary life.
Video on the topic
To avoid becoming a victim of a sexual predator, take precautions. Do not make contact with unfamiliar and especially suspicious individuals. Minimize all chances of encountering such people. And listen to your inner voice, because... intuition will always tell us the right way out of any current situation.
Not everyone can determine in time that there is a maniac next to you. Indeed, they may not give themselves away in any way, but as soon as the opportunity arises, they will attack their victim. To identify a maniac, you need to pay attention to the behavior, appearance and manner of speaking of a suspicious person.
Instructions
Develop a model of behavior that is adequate. If you run away from every person who asks what time it is, you can forget about living a full life without fear. A normal person should be neat, not invade your personal space, not try to shock you in any way.
Highlight the discrepancy between the thought-out behavior model and reality. The more inconsistencies you identify, the more likely it is that there is a maniac in front of you. In order to always be alert, you need to be “here and now.” If you do not pay attention to what is happening around you, then the chances of falling into the hands of a maniac increase significantly.
Pay attention to the person's eyes. As a rule, maniacs release a large amount of adrenaline before an attack. Because of this, peripheral vision is no longer clear. Therefore, the attacker has a need to rotate his head, his eyes begin to dart around in search of danger.
See if the person is worried. This can be expressed in rubbing hands, stuttering, nervously fiddling with the edges of clothes. Of course, this does not guarantee that this is a maniac in front of you, but in combination with other signs it will be much easier to draw such a conclusion.
Pay attention to your intuition. Sometimes you may feel like someone is watching you. You should not attribute it to your suspiciousness: it is quite possible that you are not mistaken. If you notice a person who has been closely watching you for some time, be careful and try to go out into a crowded place. If, after close observation, this person comes towards you, then with a high probability we can say that this is a maniac.
Ask an unexpected question for which there is unlikely to be a prepared answer. The question can be on a variety of topics, for example, in which store does a person buy groceries? If he has confused the suspicious subject, then it means that your interlocutor is thinking about something else, in the worst case, he is plotting something.
It can be difficult even for experienced criminologists to recognize a maniac. An example of this is the case of A. Chikatilo, a serial killer who became famous throughout the country, who operated with impunity in the Rostov and other regions for more than ten years in a row. However, a little extra caution when dealing with suspicious people can sometimes save lives.
Instructions
Please note that the stereotype of a “brutal” or any other special appearance of a maniac is a misconception. Such a person may seem quite attractive and intelligent man. So an angry and shaved head is far from the main indicator that this is a maniac.
If a stranger (casual acquaintance) to you is too insistent in his desires, never follow his lead. Pay attention to any suspicious “traps” in his speech. For example, he may invite you to go somewhere with him, not skimping on various promises. Say a firm “no” and watch his reaction. As a rule, maniacs regret spending too much time on their potential victim and are afraid of attracting undue attention to themselves.
If you notice some insinuation in a person’s actions, attempts to manipulate you, nervousness, fussiness, you should not give in to his persuasion. Firmly express your reluctance to further communication and go your own, better lit and crowded path.
If you have any suspicions, arrange a kind of “test drive”. Don't be afraid to lie, sometimes it's vital. Say, for example, that in 5 minutes your older brother (or a male work colleague) will come and that you want your interlocutor to meet him. Observe the person's reaction. As a rule, people with bad intentions do not crave such meetings and leave in search of a more compliant victim.
Call (or pretend to be calling) in the presence of a suspicious person to one of your relatives or acquaintances, tell them loudly (preferably so that others can hear) where you are and begin to describe your new acquaintance. For example: “Sasha, I met a great guy, so wow, tall. He said that Andrei... No, no, brown-haired, with such a pleasant timbre of his voice...", etc. Carefully observe this person's reaction: if he tries to retreat immediately, your distrust of him was well founded.
Look for any inconsistencies in the story and the person's appearance or anything else. For example, he may tell you that he is an experienced hunter, invite you to show you wonderful beautiful places located ten minutes walk from the city, say that he himself has just returned from hunting... But if his appearance proves the opposite (pure clothes and shoes, not a hunting bag, the smell of cologne, not a fire, etc.), trust your intuition, not inspired stories unfamiliar person. Although, in any case, even if the appearance matches the verbally presented image (and maniacs often carefully rehearse their role in advance), a sane person should not agree to such invitations.
What kind of people are maniacs?
Researchers believe that certain people who have this tendency can become maniacs. For a long time, scientists have been studying the behavior of antisocial, very aggressive people, as well as those who are often called crazy and insane. At the same time, it was revealed that there is no genetic predisposition to pathological aggression. Certain things make a person abnormal specific conditions: upbringing, lifestyle, circumstances.
In order to accurately determine the identity of a potential maniac, it is advisable to know his living conditions. Some maniacs are very difficult to identify even for experienced criminologists. As for serial killers, identifying them among a crowd is doubly difficult. They are very cunning, behave decently in society, are exemplary family men and good fathers. The mask of respectable citizens firmly sits on these asocial individuals, thus they lull people’s vigilance, while at the same time working according to a well-established plan.
What personalities become maniacs?
When any murder or rape is committed, first of all, suspicion falls on people who are aggressive or have some mental disorders. But no one will ever categorize respectable citizens as murderers. Such maniacs hiding behind a mask are considered the most dangerous. They work methodically and remain cool and calm in any situation.
Another type of maniacs are disorganized individuals who make absolutely no attempt to hide evidence and kill the first people they meet. As a rule, these asocial individuals are completely unadapted in society and have very low intelligence. It is very easy to catch maniacs of this type, since such people do not develop any strategy at all.
How do maniacs differ from ordinary people?
Firstly, those who become maniacs had an unhappy childhood, perhaps even adolescence. In childhood, such people experienced violence from their parents and were morally suppressed as individuals. They also felt inferior among their peers, who also morally humiliated them.
Some potential maniacs have a biological predisposition to such behavior and aggression. Even during intrauterine development, certain changes occur in their brain. In such people, from early childhood, areas of the brain responsible for morality, instinctive desires, and behavior do not develop normally.
Another interesting point is that the vast majority of maniacs are men, who can be identified by their behavior.
In order to understand that this is a maniac in front of you, you need to carefully pay attention to the person’s actions and his appearance. As a rule, people with similar mental disorders have bright and darting eyes, and behave very eccentrically. Very often they get wound up in response to even the most harmless remark or statement. Such people are sometimes too kind or, conversely, too aggressive. You should always pay attention to their gestures and facial expressions. In addition, maniacs can pursue someone for a long time. When interacting with a potential victim, they may act agitated or be in a state of nervous tension. To avoid becoming a victim of such a person, you need to be wary of people you don’t know well.
When something goes wrong, it's always your fault, not his. Common situation? When a person behaves this way and you have to tiptoe around them, use the following strategy to avoid conflict and prevent similar situations from occurring in the future.
This situation can be repeated many times, and if a person is involved who adequately assesses the situation, the problem can be solved quite quickly; if it affects someone who is in error, conflict is inevitable.
This behavior is based on low self-esteem. It seems to a person that everything that happens in his life is in one way or another due to the fact that they are trying to use him. For example, if you make him wait, he will decide that you don't care about his condition or that you don't respect him enough to show up for a meeting on time.
If you have high self-esteem, you will not hastily attribute a person’s tardiness to their attitude towards you; you would rather assume: something happened. Or decide that the person is making himself wait, trying to feel self-worth. In this situation, do this: firstly, do not jump to conclusions that such actions indicate disrespect for you; secondly, if you do come to this conclusion, do not get angry - after all, you do not need someone else's respect in order to respect yourself.
Someone with low self-esteem thinks (mostly on a subconscious level) something like this: “This person doesn’t like me or respect me enough to treat me appropriately.” By accepting ourselves, we accept those around us. We perceive the outside world through the filter of our own self-image, and if this idea is distorted, our relationships with people worsen.
“I have to look at him!”
This is why we always want to see the driver who cut us off on the road. There is always an explanation for such an action, but if the driver looks like he did it deliberately, out of lack of respect, we become even angrier. If this driver had turned out to be an old woman, we would not have been very angry, assuming that she simply had poor eyesight, and would not have taken what happened to heart. In addition, we always want the person behind the wheel to confirm our idea of who exactly can drive a car like that, since this enhances the feeling of control over the situation - to know everything and always be right.
Low self-esteem makes a person self-centered, he begins to believe that the world revolves around him, and takes into account only his own desires and needs.
Self-esteem is the basis of self-esteem. Without respecting yourself, you cannot respect others. And if you also think that those around you do not respect you, then you admit that their actions were deliberate.
Psychological solution.
Are you tired of such phrases: “Because of you, I missed my turn” or “Why did you order this for me? You know that I don’t eat fried food,” or “Why aren’t the documents prepared? You had the whole night for this, didn’t you?” Then read on.
Solving this problem is quite simple. However, first note the following: no one has the right to insult you. If you feel like you've become a psychological punching bag for someone, do whatever it takes to change the situation.
Remember: people will treat you the way you allow them to. If you are dealing with someone who is at least somewhat reasonable, make it clear that their behavior is unacceptable.
But let's analyze a situation where it is not possible to do this - for example, if you are dealing with your boss, or your wife, or not very close family members.
The key to solving the problem is simple: give the other person what he so badly needs, and do it at the moment when he in a good mood. Thus, for the next aggravation of the situation, such a psychological climate will be created that your “enemy” will consider it inappropriate to find fault with you. He may choose another target for attacks, but this target will no longer be you. By applying this strategy, you become a source of psychological support for the person. That is why he cannot cut the notorious branch on which his psyche “sits.”
1. Instill self-respect.
The best defense is attack. Create a psychological reserve for your opponent so that he can use it if necessary. Listed below simple ways for this.
- Criticize a person only when absolutely necessary,
using the methods described in the article “How to criticize correctly without hurting feelings.” - When someone makes a mistake, support them and don't be too hard on them.
- Be tactful and polite when communicating.
- Do not discuss the person with others.
- Tell someone you know in common that you deeply respect and appreciate this person.
- Never humiliate your interlocutor or show your disrespect for him, especially in the presence of other people.
All these actions seem simple, but sometimes they are difficult to put into practice. However, their role in changing relationships with difficult person may turn out to be decisive.
2. Change a person's perception of himself.
You have to make the person identify with someone who won't pick on you and blame you for their problems.
This can be done through a simple but well thought out phrase. This situation requires that the other person perceives himself as a good-natured person, so you can say something like: “I admire how calm you are when things get crazy” or “I really appreciate you being patient with me.”
Phrases like these will help tap into such a powerful psychological factor as internal consistency. Thanks to these types of phrases, the person will feel an inner urge to act in accordance with your ideas about him, since you have touched his ego. People need their behavior to be consistent with how they see themselves and how they
in their opinion, how others perceive them. It sounds very simple, but numerous studies confirm that self-image is very easy to change through this technique. People with low self-esteem may do irrational things, but giving up their sense of self is not one of them.
3. Get the person to do something for you.
Now you become a source of support for this person, his admirer. For him to criticize you would be the same as criticizing himself, and even worse, since he seems to value you more, than he himself. (See the next article, How to Get Along with Unbalanced People, for other helpful techniques for dealing with this problem.)
Real life example.
The restaurant manager yells at the waiter for any reason, even the most insignificant.
Waiter [choosing the appropriate time]. Do you know what I respect you most about, Mr. Harris? You are always so calm in a tense situation, I just admire it.
Mr Harris. Well, sometimes I do lose my temper...
Waiter. None of us are immune from this. But you control yourself more than anyone else.
Mr. Harris now sees himself through the waiter's eyes. The next time a manager wants to raise his voice at his subordinate, he will stop himself (most likely subconsciously), because he does not want to destroy the image of a person who knows how to control himself.
The waiter also turns to the manager for advice, again choosing the right moment for this:
Mister Harris, I know you a wise man. This is very personal, but I want to ask you for advice about a problem that I have with a friend...
The manager will willingly give advice to the waiter, making an emotional investment in him. As with any investment, a person cares about it. further fate. He will never harm the object of his investment. Mr. Harris will no longer yell at the waiter.
Short review.
To calm an irritable, hot-tempered person, do the following:
1) inspire him to respect you;
2) change his idea of himself - perceiving himself as another person, he will begin to behave like another person;
3) make him invest his feelings in you.