The content of human thinking is: What are the types and types of thinking? How to determine a person's thinking type? Logical forms of thinking

16.12.2019

Children's lies. To us adults, she seems so simple-minded and naive. But the reasons that a child begins to lie to his parents cannot be called harmless or insignificant. Does your child fantasize and pass these fantasies off as reality? Or is he telling lies, trying to hide some of his actions and actions from your watchful attention? How to stop a child from lying? Do not rush to expose the toddler and punish him. After all, if we approach the problem from the point of view of psychologists, then, rather, educational work should be carried out, first, with the parents themselves. So that they do not mistakenly begin to fight the investigation, which, in essence, is a lie. But we tried to understand the reasons that prompt children to resort to such an unpopular way of getting out of situations that are uncomfortable for them.

Children lie to their parents because for some reason they feel uncomfortable in their world.

This is a balm for mental wounds.
This is an internal conflict that has found a way out.
This is a lifeline in a seemingly hopeless situation.

And what are children's lies for parents?

This is a distress signal.
This is a call for help.
This is an indicator that in the world of your beloved baby, not everything is as good as it might seem to you at first glance.

No matter how sad it may sound for you, the fact that the baby began to lie to you indicates a crisis of trust in your relationship. And it is you, the parents, who need to look for ways out of this crisis, as the more experienced, balanced, authoritative ones.

Children lie when they stop trusting their loved ones

Do not rush to expose your child in a lie and scold him for. Try to understand why the baby felt the need to tell you a lie. After all, often, the reasons for children’s lies are not at all those that are visible to you upon superficial examination.

You will not find a single recipe for solving this problem. Everyone will have their own. Depending on the problems of mutual understanding that have arisen between you and your child.

A crisis of trust between parents and children occurs when the older generation chooses the wrong model of relationships and not entirely correct tactics for raising their children.

The baby will not lie to you if his life flows calmly and measuredly, if everything is in order with him. And you shouldn’t think that he allows himself to tell you lies because the little one doesn’t love or respect you.

Try to understand what is really behind his lies. What particular need is the baby trying to satisfy in this way? This will be the answer to the question: “How to wean a child from lying?”

Children lie when they are afraid of punishment and reproach.

Why do children tell lies?

Any parent tries to give their child the best, tries to convey to him their experience and their life wisdom, puts a piece of their soul into their beloved “little blood”. But despite all this, moms and dads are still doing something wrong. I wonder what it could be?

What are the reasons that, sooner or later, our children begin to tell us lies?

Excessive severity. If you punish the little one for the wrongdoings he has committed, then you shouldn’t be surprised that the little one is lying to you, trying to avoid yet another censure for what he has done.
Play on feelings. If you are demonstratively upset, clutch your heart, blame your child for your poor health after his pranks or bad grades, you yourself provoke him to hide his mistakes in every possible way, so as not to upset you.
Lack of attention. If a child comes up with and tells everyone who is willing to listen to him, stories about a happy family, about how his parents love him, how attentive they are to him, then maybe all this is what he really lacks. And he plays pranks and lies only to attract your attention, which he so lacks.
Inferiority complex. The baby may be dissatisfied with himself. This happens when parents often criticize him, thereby developing an inferiority complex in the little person. A lie in this case is an attempt to change, to embellish a not very rosy reality. Become worthy of respect and admiration in your own eyes and in the eyes of others.
Limitations in the expression of emotions . A child is not a robot. He cannot always have the same, necessarily good, mood. He may be sad and upset, he may be irritated and even furious. And if he is prevented from showing these emotions and giving them vent, he will simply withdraw into himself and begin to lie. For the sake of his parents who always want to see him as a cheerful and cheerful toddler.
Fantasies. Visionaries and dreamers are perhaps the cutest and most attractive of all the little liars. And such a lie is, rather, a manifestation of creativity and too much. The lies of dreamers are quite harmless if you understand them and direct them in time. the right direction. Maybe you have a modern Jules Verne or your own Jacques Yves Cousteau growing up in your family?..

Or maybe your baby is not lying, but just fantasizing? Then you need to direct this feature of it in the right direction.

Well, did you manage to determine its main reasons based on the nature of the child’s lies? If yes, then you have already passed half the way to eradicating this habit in your baby.

Now the main thing is to draw the right conclusions and diligently work on your own mistakes in .

How to wean a 4-5 year old child from lying to his parents?

It often happens that the child is still very young, but he has already encountered your disapproval.

And, afraid to see him in your eyes once again, afraid to lose your love, he, having done something that, as the little one is sure, will entail this very disapproval, uses lies as salvation, as protection. How to prevent lying, whatever its reasons, from becoming a habit and becoming the norm for a child?

If a child believes in your kind attitude towards him, he will not be afraid to confess to you his wrongdoing.

What should parents do in such circumstances?

Sit down next to your baby so that your eyes are at the same level.
Calmly tell him that you know that the little one lied to you.
Ask your child to tell you the truth, assuring him in advance that you will not be angry with him or punish him.
Be sure to emphasize how much you love the baby. And no matter what he does, you will not love him less.
When your child gains confidence in you and tells you the truth, keep your word - do not blame him.
Help the baby understand the current situation. Explain what the baby did wrong. And be sure to tell us what you should have done in this situation.
End the conversation with one more assurance that you love him and are always ready to help your little one in any situation.

Of course, one such conversation is not always enough to completely restore trust.

Growing up, the child tries to protect his personal space from strangers. And he should be allowed to do this. Within reason, of course

What to do if a teenager (7-9 years old and older) cheats?

When children reach adolescence, very often the reason for their lies is the desire to create a personal space for themselves, a territory independent of adults, where only the child himself will be the owner.

And your task is to provide this territory to your teenager. Within reasonable limits, of course. But to give the child a real feeling that he has moved to a new stage of growing up.

Mom and Dad understand this. And we are ready to build relationships with him on a new level. But greater independence is not synonymous with permissiveness. Therefore, it is important here to clearly outline the scope of a teenager’s independence at this age stage.

And it is even more important that the child himself agrees with these frameworks. Discuss and be prepared to compromise. You can even enter into a written agreement. An agreement between two parties, when tangible, is more powerful.

If a teenager is sure that his parents love him, that they act only in the interests of his well-being, that they are always ready to listen, understand and forgive, he will not lie even if some agreements are violated.

Mom and dad, create a trusting relationship in the family, become not only mentors, but friends for your child, and he will simply have no reason to tell you lies!

A child can be honest with his parents

When he is not afraid of punishment, anger and loss of love from those closest to him.
When he is sure that he will not be humiliated, no matter what happens.
When he knows that his parents will support him in any situation.
When you don't skimp on praise and encouragement.
When there is trust and mutual understanding between you and the child.

And never forget about personal example. How sincere, honest and open you are, the more your children will inherit these qualities from you. Create an atmosphere of agreement and harmony in your family. And then its small members will not seek salvation from adversity and loneliness in lies...

Video “How to stop a child from lying?”

07.05.2008
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Hello, Ksenia. Our daughter is 10 years old, after the divorce we live together. What to do: tears out pages from notebooks, puts good grades in her diary, doesn’t talk about extracurricular activities, doesn’t write down all her homework, is very lazy, she has to repeat the same request 3-5 times and not always with results. And at the same time very affectionate, cheerful and active in everything that does not concern household chores and studies. How to behave, how to build a conversation, if it would seem that everything has already been explained to her, I don’t hit her, only temporary deprivation of any pleasures, such as: a ban on watching TV, a ban on going for walks, a refusal to buy new stickers, going on vacation, etc. ..

I work a lot, I can’t communicate as much as I would like, I really want to get understanding and help from the child, but in reality there are only words about how much she loves me and a complete lack of actions confirming this. What's my mistake? What am I doing wrong? How can I teach her to take responsibility for her actions and think about the consequences of what she does?

Thank you. Sincerely, Natalia.

Ksenia Shvetsova, psychologist

Hello, Natalia!
First of all, you need to figure out why yours, understand the motives for deception. Here are some reasons why a child starts lying:

A lie often serves as a means to make a child’s life easier. Especially if his parents keep telling him “no”
Often a lie speaks of what is locked in the child’s soul, what worries and torments him, causes great fear, and perhaps there are problems that need to be solved.
Avoids stressful situations.
A child may lie if he knows that you are capable of turning a small offense into an “elephant.”
By lying, a child avoids punishment. Think about whether your requirements for your child are too high, do they correspond to his capabilities? Don't you humiliate him with constant lectures and moralizing? Does the child have a fear of punishment?
A child begins to lie if parents do not pay enough attention to him. And she is trying to attract your attention at any cost. Since you noticed that she lied, it means that you are not indifferent to her. This is childish logic.
Children lie to avoid ridicule when they accidentally “fall on their face.”
Has a desire to appear better than he really is.
can be seen as an attempt to protect your privacy, show your independence, and avoid difficulties. Of course, deception can also be regarded as an attempt to get away with punishment, or an attempt to get something that could not be achieved if they told the truth.
Another common reason for children's lies is the fear of disappointing their parents. The child tries to meet expectations. Children are under a lot of pressure to perform well, whether from parents or teachers. Many children also believe that their future depends on good grades. And if they do not meet these expectations, do not do well at school, then the child feels that he has no other choice but to deceive, and then deception functions as a defense mechanism against excessive pressure.

If you want to teach a child to be honest, then you need to be prepared to listen to sometimes the bitter truth from him, and not just the “pleasant” one. If you want your child to grow up honest, you should not allow him to lie about his feelings, be they positive, negative or mixed. Our reactions to the feelings he expresses help him understand whether honesty is truly the best policy.

How lies convey truth. If children are punished for telling the truth, they lie out of self-defense. Sometimes they fantasize, invent something incredible that they lack in Everyday life, in real. Children's lies convey to us the truth about the child's state of mind, about his fears and hopes, about who he would like to become, what he would like to do. To a sensitive listener, a lie will tell what it seems designed to hide. The correct response to a lie should express understanding, and not denial of its true meaning. To help a child draw the line between what is desired and what is actual, it is necessary to use the information contained in the lie. If we find out that our daughter failed her arithmetic test, we shouldn’t ask her: “Well, how did the test go? Oh, good? This time you won't fool me! I talked to the teacher and I know that you wrote the work very poorly.” Instead, you need to tell your child directly: “The teacher told me that you failed your arithmetic test. I’m worried and thinking about how I can help you.”

In short, we should not encourage so-called “defensive lies” or set traps for children. If the child still lies, there is no need to throw a tantrum or lecture. You need to respond in word and deed that realistically reflect the state of affairs. The child must understand that there is no need to lie to parents.

Lies do have many meanings and meanings. White lie. Lies as a way of manipulation. A lie, for the sake of the lie itself, “for the sake of words.” How older child, the more sophisticated he uses lies. At first almost unconsciously, then quite consciously and calculatedly. And as soon as a lie becomes a tool to achieve a child’s goal, it’s time to call him to account. This is where childhood ends and adult responsibility for one’s words begins.

How to prevent children's lies?

Create an atmosphere in the family in which lying will not be necessary in principle. If a child knows that he can trust his parents with his secrets, his actions are discussed and accepted, and punishment is not used as an educational tool, then a motive for lying may never arise.

Before you angrily stop the deception and expose the liar, try to understand the motives of his action. Even the most serious offense has another side. The child must know that his action does not make him unambiguously bad. An action may be bad, but not a person! You should never speculate on such concepts as I love - I don’t love. “Get out of here, I don’t love you THAT much!” Naturally, next time the child will want to embellish himself in order to earn the love of his mother or father.

Most children's lies stem from a desire to prove significant people: "I'm good". A schoolboy who lied about losing his diary is afraid not only of his parents’ anger, but also of being accused of worthlessness. “I was an excellent student at your age!” - Grandfather shouts. And the child feels guilty! And lying here turns out to be simply a way of psychological defense.

Teach him to cope with defeat. Many children cheat out of fear of failure. Tell your child how you yourself cope with problems and defeats, so that he can learn this too. Offer an alternative to deception - admitting and correcting your mistakes.

Don't want your child to lie? Be honest yourself!

If parents want to teach their child to tell the truth, then they themselves must first of all:

Always keep your word. If in some case you cannot fulfill your promise, explain to your child why you cannot fulfill it and apologize.
If this turns out to be the case, then you yourself lied to the child, explain what caused the lie and be sure to admit the fact of deception.
Do not expect children to immediately begin to distinguish between the concepts of “white lies” and more serious deception.
Encourage your child to tell the truth, especially in cases where telling it was not easy.
Do not impose many rules on your child and do not expect much from him, remember: more rules mean more chances that they can be broken by the child, and more often the child will resort to deception as a means of avoiding punishment.
Tell your child that you love him even when he lies and that he is a good child, despite the fact that he lied.

If you suddenly discover that a child has lied to you, you should not immediately scream or swear at the child. In such cases, there is nothing better than a calm and reasonable conversation without raised tones. After all, if you start yelling at a child, then most likely you can achieve the opposite: he will begin to deceive even more, just to avoid your censure and punishment. In case of deception, do not pretend that you believed it, but calmly explain that your child is making up things, and this is obvious. Your children's fantasies are not deception as such. After all, children themselves are born into this world as pure as a white sheet of paper. The blots and crooked slope of the letters are up to you. If you see that a child has begun to use lies for his own benefit, that is, for selfish purposes, you should think about it. This means there is a gap in your relationship with your child. Analyze the situation and try to find out the reasons for the lies. The child simply won’t lie; the circumstances force him to do so. And if the parent does not fall into “angry curses”, but treats the child with understanding and tenderness, the positive result will be obvious.

Deception cannot be completely eradicated; you can simply explain to the child: “what is good and what is bad.” In this case, the example of the parents themselves is very important. Therefore, before asking your child to answer the phone with the phrase “mom is not at home,” think about the consequences. Don't forget to talk to your children about this topic more often. Tell them different stories about yourself, your parents and ask questions. The answers will show how the child would act in such a situation. Also help children learn “polite lies.” Exactly when you don’t have to tell the truth. For example, your child is given a gift. He doesn’t like the thing, and he says: “I didn’t want such a toy,” thereby offending the person who gave it. In such a situation, you should say thank you and hold back your emotions.

What to do?

Understand the reason for the lie and analyze it. Think about how you can change the situation and what needs to be changed in yourself (parents, child) to solve this problem.

The concept of a healthy atmosphere in the family also includes the factor of normal relationships between close people, when they do not need to hide anything from each other, lie, or dodge. But what to do if the child is lying? The problem is serious and often entails global consequences, but try to pull yourself together and understand the reasons for this phenomenon.

Understanding when a child is telling a lie is usually quite simple. Only by the age of seven or eight do children (and even then not all of them) become excellent actors, but even then they unconsciously tell lies. The child does not look you in the eyes, sometimes his hand reaches to his mouth or touches his face, he coughs or fiddles with his ear. Another characteristic gesture is to hide his hands in his pockets or put them behind his back. Of course, attentive parents will notice not only these, but also other manifestations of uncharacteristic behavior.

Punish immediately? It’s too simple and also not always fair. Give up your emotions. You need to make decisions about your actions carefully. A child's lies show a lack of trust in you. Consider whether this behavior is also your fault.

A child is lying: possible reasons

We all know well: sometimes, in order to make your life easier and avoid all sorts of troubles, you need to lie. This, if you like, is one of the manifestations of the instinct of self-preservation. A lie is a means by which you can protect yourself, especially if there are only prohibitions around. You can derive certain benefits from it, get out of unfavorable situations with dignity, and stop contacts with unwanted individuals. And you can use it to attack someone. So what is a lie - perhaps a stereotype of behavior that we simply adopt from our environment?

Lies as a signal of problems

No one is born a liar, this is not a character trait inherent in nature. Think about why children lie: in this way they can convey to us a signal that not everything is in order in their lives. Do not rush to punish yourself for not instilling moral values in your offspring and not teaching them to respect their elders. The reason may not be that he doesn't respect you or doesn't love you. There are a lot of motives. And here are just a few of them.

"Testing the soil". Your son or daughter is trying to understand how you will react to deception.
Self-defense. The child wants to avoid punishment for unsightly actions, ridicule or “general shame.”
The desire to impress, attract attention, evoke emotions. Everything is used: from “my uncle is a celebrity” to “my dad hurts me all the time.”
Manipulation. A child may tell one adult that another allows him to do something when in fact it is prohibited.
Fantasy. The least harmless and disinterested type of deception, game, fun - moreover, useful for development.

So, the more “dangers”, prohibitions, the more shameful it is to tell the truth - the more tricks you need to come up with. These are completely natural reasons for children's lies.

Sometimes lying can be justified. But if a lie is aimed at causing harm to someone, if it is vile slander, intrigues, the essence of which the child himself understands, this can and should be fought. But only without arranging interrogations and without “beating out” the truth. If a son or daughter really did not want to harm someone, you need to figure out what exactly is preventing them from being frank with loved ones.

The child is afraid

The most common reason why a child lies is fear. Children are afraid that they will be punished and humiliated. They are capable of painfully worrying even about things that seem trivial to us. They are afraid of upsetting or disappointing, or even becoming rejected or unloved. Is it because your parents threaten: “If you do this, I won’t love you anymore!”? And this means that mutual understanding is broken.

Perhaps a child or teenager is judged in cases where they would like support and love. Perhaps even for a small offense they are seriously punished. Maybe they just want to make sure they care about their family. If the sense of security and trust is undermined, you will find that the child constantly lies. At the same time, he often does not think about the consequences at all, and lying becomes an absolutely natural activity for him.

Bad example of elders

Seeing how strained relations are between relatives, the child, willy-nilly, finds himself between two fires, since he communicates with both, loves them all, but understands that they are too dissatisfied with communication with each other. Naturally, he begins to “yes assent” to the opinion of the side on which he is this moment located. Because it is important for him not to become an object of hatred, and he simply adjusts.

If you think it is right to sometimes lie in front of your children (and they clearly understand that you are not telling the truth), do not be surprised why children lie. They imitate adults and sincerely believe that lying does not mean doing something out of the ordinary.

Save or take revenge

Even in fairy tales, villains can be shown a different path so that they do not overtake the fleeing heroes. Children are quite capable of “white lies”, and from a very early age (from about four years old). And if they write not just to shield themselves or someone else, but really want to protect someone, one can hardly blame them for this. Whether the person they are trying to protect is worth such actions is another matter.

It happens that a child lies because it seems to him that he is not loved. Lies become a kind of revenge for “lost” love. In addition, if children feel rejected, unwanted, they may try to attract attention and somehow stand out from the rest, even if they receive a negative reaction from their parents, including severe punishment. This will happen again and again. This resembles masochism, but some children really seek attention in at least this way.

Age of lying: childhood and adolescence

Initially, children do what they want or like, without thinking about how correct it is. The job of adults is to correctly explain when actions do not correspond to the norm, and tell why. Swearing and scandals can only achieve the fact that a child can begin to lie at an unexpectedly early age. This whole complex story begins with the usual attempt to hide bad deeds so as not to be punished.

Already at 5 years old, children have a well-developed “internal monologue”; they can modify their thoughts, while composing details well. They already have an idea of what can be said, what should be kept silent, and what should be told in a completely different way. “What can I do so that they don’t scold me anymore? - the kid thinks. “What do I need to say to be praised?” Children begin to lie much more often, and it becomes more difficult to expose them, especially since children can influence their peers or adults who treat them well - they will, voluntarily or unwittingly, take part in deception.

IN school age(7 years+) kids lie even more convincingly. Psychologists associate this with an increase vocabulary and brain development in general. In addition, one should not underestimate children's insight: the child already understands how other people think and are guided by what. The lies become more sophisticated. By the age of eight or nine, your child can deceive in such a way that it is sometimes impossible to expose him. By telling all sorts of tall tales to family, friends, and classmates, the child not only feels like a hero, he also believes more and more in what he is saying. This creates a kind of alternative reality that is controllable - in contrast to some threatening, incomprehensible external circumstances.

At the age of 10, the young dreamer realizes that adults place too high demands on him, “make mountains out of molehills” and periodically humiliate him (including in front of others) with moral teachings and lectures. Already at this time, the child is not so much afraid of punishment as he wants to escape from obsessive control, show his independence or defend himself. At the same time, deep down in his soul he is still looking for recognition and support. He knows that if his parents notice his lies, it means they care about him.

At this age, children often have “high expectations.” Fear of disappointing loved ones, confidence that the future depends on behavior and grades - this is what pushes “exemplary” schoolchildren to lie. Realizing that they do not meet expectations, they protect themselves from the overwhelming burden of responsibility.

The teenager wants more freedom, a kind of autonomy. He again creates for himself another reality that he can control, his private life. At this age, a lie is not always something monstrous - when forming a personal space, a boy or girl wants to let only the “chosen ones” into it, and this is a sign of growing up.

A rebellious teenager wants to be independent and does not want to report to anyone, even his parents, where he goes and what he does. Even if lying was not previously a “regular practice,” parents may be surprised to find that their growing offspring is lying more often. He is silent, denies the obvious, shields his friends (in his opinion, this is quite noble).

The child steals and lies - hold again negative emotions with me. Stay alone with your child. Give a negative assessment of his action, but at the same time remind him that you are not going to fight with the person you love very much. Outline the consequences, tell how upset someone who has lost something or money might be, how his plans are now ruined. Analyze the situation in as much detail as possible, encourage the child to talk: he should see that they want to listen to him. If thefts and lies are repeated, be patient. None of us are perfect. Talk again and explain that your loved one's well-being is very important to you. Get advice on how to fix what has been done. And if he is clearly expecting punishment, just forgive him.

If you are faced with similar problems, think about your child:

whether he feels that he is deprived of something;
do you and other family members pay enough attention to him;
do you take into account his opinion and interests;
Are you too controlling of him (so that he wants to defend himself from obsession);
Are you keeping your promises?

Remember: the habits of youth will only develop and improve over the years, and an adult will rather strive to dodge than to stand his ground.

Here are tips from psychologists on how to teach a child to be honest. Be prepared for the fact that you will have to listen to him the truth about your relationship. Encourage people to talk about their feelings in general and in relation to you in particular, and, naturally, impressions should not be only positive. Otherwise, the desire to hide your emotions is again untrue. Don't create this vicious circle.

Be a fair realistic and provide this opportunity to your child. Instead of causing a scandal, calmly communicate that you know the truth, but that you are worried and wondering how you can help. Sincerely tell your child that you love him, and he does not need to try to invent something that did not happen in order to deserve it. good attitude. A lie is a request for support and love, not for punishment. And in general, you cannot reduce all communication with children only to some rules of obedience, thus making them “comfortable” for yourself.
Say: “I know you lied because you didn’t want to upset me.”. Or: “I see that you did it by accident, you didn’t mean to.” And continue: “But it would be better if you told the truth, because lies make me very upset.” By doing this, you show that you understand the motive behind the lie, and this must be expressed out loud so that the child correctly understands what is happening and your adequate reaction.
The importance of being honest must be demonstrated by example.. Remember that children don't just imitate you and learn behavior patterns - they want to be like you. Prove that there is nothing shameful in admitting what you did. Always praise for honesty, say that trust and respect are above all and losing it is very bad.
Is your child bragging or making up stories? Spend more time with him, pay more attention. When talking about his behavior, don't get personal. And don’t attach labels like “liar”, “deceiver”. After all, it’s not the person himself who is “bad”, it’s his actions that are bad.

It is important to create an atmosphere in which no one wants to cheat. Isn’t it wonderful when everyone can trust each other with a secret, any actions can be discussed and count on help! The most serious offenses always have an underlying reason that cannot be seen unless you try to talk. Talk about yourself - how you regulate unpleasant situations, face defeats, problems, how you correct your mistakes. Take an interest in children's lives. If you had to lie in front of your children, be sure to explain why you did it and what motivated you.

In other words, be honest yourself, and you won’t have to think about how to stop your child from lying. Encourage the truth, especially when it is very difficult to tell. Treat everything with understanding, explain what is bad and what is good. Think about what needs to change to solve the problem. This is the key to a good, trust-filled relationship between you and your child - both in the present and in the future!

Many parents periodically catch their children telling lies. Kids tend to come up with different stories, embellish facts and fantasize. If you do not respond to this in any way, the child will continue to lie at an older age and will grow up to be a pathological liar. How to wean a child from lying? Take the advice of psychologists - they will help you establish a trusting relationship with your son or daughter and make sure that your child always tells you the truth.

Children's lies - normal or pathological?

According to a number of psychologists, the tendency to lie is a normal stage of child development. Everything that a baby sees, hears and feels in the first years of life is new and incomprehensible to him. A child has to process a lot of information and learn to use it every day.

For an adult it is obvious what is fact and what is fiction, but a child has yet to understand this. His logical thinking is at the stage of formation. Therefore, the baby sincerely believes in Santa Claus, the old woman and the fairy tales that his parents tell him. If a child cannot understand or explain something, he uses his imagination. At certain moments, reality and fantasy mix with each other. As a result, parents catch the child in a lie, although the child himself is sincerely confident that he is telling the truth.

It’s another matter if children consciously begin to lie. This usually happens if adults forbid something to a child. In this case, the kid begins to think about how to achieve what he wants, and the most obvious way is to cheat. Children’s logic is something like this: “If it’s not possible this way, then it will be possible if I say it differently.” Therefore, children begin to consciously lie and manipulate adults. It is important for parents to take action in time, otherwise innocent children's deception will turn into a habit of always achieving what they want with the help of lies.

Reasons for children's lies

Children often tell lies because they mistake their fantasies for reality. However, children's lies can be quite conscious. There are a variety of reasons for this, including:

the desire to get what parents prohibit;
lack of attention from parents or the desire to appear better than he really is;
fear of punishment for wrongdoing;
self-justification;
dissatisfaction with living conditions;
failure to meet parental expectations;
pathological lie.

Let's take a closer look at the reasons for children's lies to make it easier for parents to understand what is happening to their child.

The desire to get what parents forbid

Example: The child has already eaten sweets, but wants more. He tells mom that dad allowed him to take candy (even though he hasn’t come home from work yet). “I didn’t know how long it was, so I was late home”... etc.

Solution to the problem: stop banning everything. Kids begin to lie if they constantly hear the word “impossible,” because this causes protest. Therefore, they try to use lies to defend their interests. Review the prohibitions, reduce their number and leave only those that directly relate to the child’s health, safety, educational issues, regime, and food traditions. Only if you give your child more independence will he be able to learn to take responsibility for his actions. It wouldn’t hurt to tell your child that you can get what you want not only through deception. Tell him that you just need to ask for the same toy, explaining why it is so needed. In addition, the child must understand that it is important to behave well - then adults will reward him for his obedience.

Lack of attention from parents or the desire to seem better than he really is

Example: the child began to seriously talk about his superpowers - incredible strength, dexterity, intelligence, courage, endurance - although for an adult it is obvious that the child is trying to pass off wishful thinking.

Solution to the problem: How should parents feel about this? What about lies or what about fantasy? If the baby is lying and trying to pass off wishful thinking, this is an alarming signal. It indicates that the child is looking for ways to interest close people, which means he lacks warmth, affection, attention and support from his parents. Let your baby feel your love. Give your child more attention and develop your child's abilities. Explain that each person has his own talents. Some are good at skating, some sing or dance great, and some know everything about Egyptian pyramids or space. So you need to develop and show your real abilities, and then no one will consider you a liar or a braggart. Read books and children's encyclopedias with him, go for walks, and communicate. Take your child to some club or sports section. This way he will develop his real abilities, become more self-confident and be able to brag about his real achievements.

Fear of punishment for wrongdoing

Example: the child broke a vase and is trying to shift the blame onto the cat or younger brother so that he is not scolded, deprived of something good, or, worse, beaten.

Solution to the problem: Be calmer in your relationship with your baby, punish him only for serious offenses, but not too harshly. If a child is shouted at for the smallest offense, threatened with spanking, constantly deprived of sweets and watching TV, he begins to be afraid of his own parents. By punishing the child too often and severely, parents provoke his desire to avoid them in any way. Make decisions based on the fact: if your child breaks a cup, let him clean it up; if he offends someone, let him apologize; if he breaks a toy, let him try to fix it himself; if he gets a bad mark, he needs to study and fix it. These conditions are fair. They don't insult dignity little man, so the need for lying disappears by itself.

Self-justification

Example: the child did something bad and tries his best to justify himself - he babbles something incomprehensible, finds thousands of excuses, blames other people to justify himself and tells how much he was offended (“He started it first”). After which a story is given about how the offender started first, what offenses he caused, etc. Note that the “offender” tells a similar story.

Solution to the problem: support your child in any situation and discuss with him everything that happens in his life. Children's lies aimed at self-justification are very difficult to eradicate. Pride does not allow the child to admit he is guilty, so he looks for ways to whitewash himself. Talk to him softly and friendly, explain that you will not stop loving him, even if he was the first to take away another boy’s toy or get into a fight. When a child is confident that his parents will support him in any situation, he will begin to trust them more.

Dissatisfaction with living conditions

Example: the child began to invent incredible stories about his parents, that his parents are very rich, they constantly give him toys, take him to the sea, to distant countries, that dad is often shown on TV. These dreams of a better existence indicate the child’s dissatisfaction with his social status. A child can understand such things already at 3-4 years old, and at 5 years old he will already have a good understanding of who is rich and who is poor.

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Solution to the problem: try to at least sometimes fulfill the child’s wishes and fight. Already at the age of 3-4 years, children begin to realize that people differ in social status, and by the age of 5, a clear understanding of wealth and poverty comes. IN kindergarten There is always a child who was given more gifts for his birthday, who spent the summer more interesting with his parents. This causes envy, and the baby begins to voice his dreams, passing them off as reality.

If a child is lying because he considers himself worse than other children due to his lower social status, look for an opportunity to give him at least part of what he dreams of. Maybe not “just like that,” but so that the child puts in a little of his own effort . Regarding “greedy” preschoolers who uncontrollably want to get all the toys on earth, explain that this is unrealistic, but it is possible to receive good gifts from time to time.

Failure to meet parental expectations

Example: the girl loves to draw, and her mother sees her as a musician; the boy wants to enroll in a radio club, and his dad sees him as a talented translator. While their parents are away from home, they draw and design, and then lie that they were diligently studying music or English. Or a child with quite average abilities, whom his parents want to see as an excellent student, talks about the bias of his teachers, justifying his low level of success.

Solution to the problem: Unfortunately, it happens that the expectations of parents are a heavy burden for children. Often adults want their children to do something that they couldn’t do. Think about whether your expectations contradict the child’s inclinations and interests? It is dishonest to force him to show abilities and achieve goals instead of you (in accordance with your unfulfilled childhood dreams), “for you in childhood.” For example, a mother couldn’t become a translator, but now she’s forcing her son to teach foreign language. These expectations may not correspond to the baby's interests. Parents should listen to the wishes of their children. Not wanting to upset a loved one, the child will begin to lie and dodge, but still will not achieve success in an unloved activity. It’s better to let your child go his own way - then there will be less deception in your family.

Pathological lies

Example: the child constantly uses lies for personal gain - lies about what he did homework so that he is allowed to go for a walk, shifts the blame onto someone else in order to avoid punishment, etc.

Solution to the problem: specialist help is required. Pathological lying is a fairly rare phenomenon in childhood. If a child constantly deceives, tries to manipulate others, then he needs to be shown to a psychologist. He will help you choose a solution for your specific case.

How does lying manifest itself in children of different ages?

Parents may hear the first lie from their 3-4 year old children. By the age of 6, the child is already aware of his actions and understands that he is lying. However, in general, it can be difficult to understand whether the child is lying consciously or really believes what he came up with.

As a child grows up, the motives that push him to cheat also change:

4-5 years. Children of this age have a wild imagination. They still believe in fairy tales, magic and often confuse reality with the fictional world. Often preschoolers lie unconsciously - they simply wishful thinking (these are the features of their development). Therefore, what a child says at 4-5 years old cannot be regarded as a lie. You need to treat this as a fantasy.

7-9 years old. At this age, all a person’s actions and words become conscious. Schoolchildren are already able to draw the line between their fantasies and reality. They begin to deceive intentionally, exploring the possibilities of lies, using them for their own purposes. If a child begins to lie often, parents should be wary. Serious problems can be hidden behind constant lies.

How to explain to a child that lying is bad?

Children's lies are a problem that needs to be eliminated. If you notice that your child is trying to use lies for his own benefit, first of all you need to analyze the child’s behavior, talk frankly with him and try to understand the reason for the dishonesty. After all, children usually don’t lie just like that; certain circumstances always push them to do so. Once you understand them, you can find a way to stop children's lies.

Use the following tips to convey to your child that deceiving other people is not good:

Talk to your child more often, discuss topics of good and evil. Examples include situations from movies, cartoons, and fairy tales. The child must understand that happiness, success and luck accompany positive heroes, and good always defeats evil.
Prove the inadmissibility of lying by personal example. If dad, while at home, asks mom to answer the phone and say that he is not there, the child develops a loyal attitude towards lies. Do not allow such situations, demand honesty from your household.
Tell your child that there is a “polite lie,” which involves treating people tactfully in order not to offend them (for example, when you didn’t like a birthday present).

Distinguish between fantasy and deception. Remember that preschoolers often have a blurred line between fiction and reality. If your child’s imagination is too active, perhaps he simply has nothing to do - diversify the child’s leisure time.
Don't punish people for cheating. Your screams, indignation and scandals will only tell the child that the lie should be hidden more strongly and, as a result, will lead to the fact that the child will not stop lying, but will only begin to hide his lies better.

For the need to lie to disappear, the child must be sure that close people:

trust him and each other;
they will never humiliate him;
will take his side in a controversial situation;
will not be scolded or rejected;
will support you in any difficult situations and give good advice;
If they punish you, it will be fair.

It is better to teach a child not to lie than to punish him all the time. Do you want your child to be honest? Make truth a cult in your family. Praise your child for being honest.

We also read:

Video plot: a child is lying. What to do?

Children's lies - an interview with child psychologist Alexandra Bondarenko

When parents first encounter children's lies, the first thought that comes to most mothers and fathers is: “How to wean a child from lying, how to find an approach to the little deceiver, and make sure this never happens again?” Advice from a child psychologist will help parents understand why their child is lying and determine a strategy for their behavior.

Why do children lie?

“Who will grow out of a little liar, if already at that age he knows how to masterfully deceive adults?” - Mom sighs sadly. “When I was his age, I was afraid to tell my parents a lie, otherwise they... it’s scary to remember, but now modern children are not afraid of anything,” Dad grumbles. And not all parents realize that they are the reason for such an unpleasant phenomenon as children's lies.

Why children lie - 6 reasons:

Excessive strictness in relationships with children. “They don’t lie to those to whom they are not afraid to tell the truth” - this is a well-known saying that best characterizes the reason for such lies. The kid lies because he is afraid of punishment and is looking for any way to avoid it.

This reason for children's lies appears especially often in families where children are punished in earnest. It seems that they understand that they will have to answer for the offense, and still mom or dad will find out about everything. But there is a faint hope that it will be possible to avoid shouting, threats and deprivation of various benefits and pleasures. And gradually the habit of deceiving for any reason appears, maybe it will blow away! And if not, seven troubles, one answer!

Parents play on their own children's feelings. They use a forbidden technique, grab their heads or their hearts, which supposedly sting and hurt from the bad marks in the diary, and complain that the pranks of their son or daughter have affected their well-being.

Such scenes do not affect the baby preschool age, but a teenager of 10–12 years old can be thrown out of balance, because, despite the outward roughness and feigned rudeness, parents are the most dear people to him. Next time he will simply hide his problems and mistakes from you, so as not to relive the difficult scene again.

The child has an inferiority complex. If he almost never hears words of approval addressed to him, if he is constantly criticized at school and at home, a lie is an attempt to look better in the eyes of others, among his peers.

Thus, children, especially teenagers between 11 and 16 years old, are trying to somehow level out their inferiority complex and become at least somewhere worthy of admiration. The teenager lies that he corresponds with his idol, he was invited to a casting in a modeling agency or to shoot a film as the main character, he has rich relatives, he met a rock star who was happy to talk to him - all these fantasies indicate that that the teenager is not satisfied with his social status.

Parents should think about what their child is missing. Maybe they pay little attention to him, maybe among his peers he is an outcast who is humiliated by everyone? By the way, the need for recognition is one of the main human needs. On the scale of values, she is in fourth place.

Resistance to excessive restrictions coming from parents. Not all mothers and fathers immediately accept the fact that their child is growing up, he does not need extra care, it simply irritates him and makes him, in some cases, even ashamed that they are considered small. Defending the right to one’s opinion, the right to autonomy, a teenager of 11–12 years old can easily lie simply in order to go against the authority of his parents.

You will not hear advice from any child psychologist recommending providing a teenager with complete freedom, but giving him more independence at this age is simply necessary.

Distinguish between independence and permissiveness, give him personal space, and you will less and less encounter the fact that your child constantly lies. Seeing that adults understand him, that they are acting in his interests, the teenager will not deceive them again.

The kid is just fantasizing. This situation is similar to the plot of N. Nosov’s story “Dreamers,” when children came up with fantasy stories for pleasure. It would be hard to call such a creative deceiver a liar, his inventions are so imaginative and charming.

Not everyone is gifted with this kind of thinking. We can consider this to be a gift from God, and such a child may well be able to continue his fantasies by becoming a writer. There is no need to condemn him for such a lie; it may be better to direct it in a controlled direction by offering to create a handwritten book of fairy tales and fantastic stories.

A relationship crisis is brewing in the family or problems have arisen. What to do if a child lies, combining his lies with theft and vandalism? He steals change from bags and pockets, ruins adults' clothes and things that belong to them, hurts younger children when adults are not looking, and with clear eyes claims that it was not he who did it.

In this case, parents urgently need to “ring all the bells,” because this is not just an isolated fact, it is a veiled cry of despair. Perhaps a serious break is brewing between parents, or adults, hitherto alone, have acquired a new life partner. Or maybe a newborn has appeared in the family, and all parental strength and love are directed only towards him?

And yet, most often families where parents are on the verge of divorce face a similar problem. By constantly lying, stealing and damaging their parents' things, children try to unite them at least temporarily, without even realizing it themselves.

Life without deception - learning to be honest

Having discovered that your children have such a problem, you need to try to find the cause and do everything possible to eliminate it. In addition to the above reasons, this may also be a reaction to stressful situation and the desire to avoid it, and the desire to receive praise, and the desire not to be ridiculed, and an attempt in this way to protect personal space.

How to teach a child not to lie - advice from a child psychologist for parents:

Start by saying right away that you are aware of the wrongdoing. This way, children won’t have to dodge and add another lie to the existing one.
Tell him that you will not be angry if the child tells you why he did it.
Keep your word and don’t be angry with your baby, either now or later.
Tell your child that this action was wrong and give him advice on what he should have done.
Assure him that next time he will definitely be able to count on your help and support.

According to any psychologist working with children, one cannot count on the fact that after a single conversation everything will change dramatically. It is quite possible that the same thing will have to be explained more than once. Another important advice from a psychologist on how to wean a child from lying: try not to become an example of duplicity - don’t lie to the people around you, even about little things.

Children notice this very quickly, and then, no matter what Right words you didn’t say, after the example of your lies, “they’re worthless.” It is advisable to talk with them more often on the topic “what is good and what is bad.” Try to explain with examples of book or cartoon characters various situations deception, think together about what should be done.

Children's lies are a problem that requires careful attention and informed decisions from parents. In any case, there is a lot that can be done to prevent a child from becoming a pathological liar.