Completely controls life. My husband completely controls my life. Feeling of self-worth

Life is scary. This is so because at any moment everything can go wrong. We can make plans for a long time, take steps to achieve our goals, make efforts, manipulate, manage. But it is worth recognizing that one accident is enough for everything we have built to collapse in the blink of an eye.

Let's figure out what we control and how much. But really, what can we control directly? Let's list:

1. Partial movements of muscles and parts of one’s body (arms, legs, posture, facial expressions, speech, breathing, etc.)
2. Attention
3. Images within yourself

Let's call them direct control levers. Through these control levers we can expand our area of ​​control. For example, by controlling the movements of our arms and legs, we can change the position of certain objects in the outside world. Move the chair to another place, cook food, etc. By controlling internal images and attention, we can partially control our state, emotions and thoughts. In addition, by controlling internal images, we can create other internal images and thereby produce thinking. Through thinking and memory, we can create a picture of reality that can be used to improve our orientation in the world. For example, we learned from the book that all cities have a city hall. I live in a city, which means it has a city hall. This is how I got knowledge that I can use to achieve my goals.

So, we can distinguish control zones:

1. First control zone
   1. Controlling your body through muscle control
   2. Managing your thinking by controlling internal images
   3. Managing your emotional state through control of attention, internal images, breathing and muscles
2. Second control zone
   1. Manipulation of physical objects within reach of body extremities
   2. Controlling people within sight through your speech, posture and facial expressions

Using his thinking and body control, man created tools from the outside world that expanded his ability to receive information from the outside world and his ability to influence the world. For example, using a telephone you can communicate with a person remotely. Through the use of a stick, a person increased his strength.

By controlling his thinking, a person has created an image of the world, which he can now use to increase his influence on it. This is a field of science. Those. scientific knowledge allow you to make manipulations of the world more accurate and more predictable. For example, knowing that boiling water is hot, and hotter things burn, we will not put our hands into boiling water. However, using a rag as a tool, we can handle a hot pan. So, due to thinking, a third zone of control appeared.

1. Third zone of control
   1. Managing remote objects from a distance
   2. Controlling the sensations of your body through reception chemical substances and surgical intervention
   3. Managing various processes in the world through knowledge and manipulation tools

Rice. 1. Human control zones

Next, let us note the following important point. Although a person can control his muscles, attention and internal images, as soon as he ceases to control them consciously, i.e. stops paying attention to them, these processes become autonomous and beyond the control of a person. For example, we can control our breathing consciously, but forgetting about it, breathing occurs by itself in the rhythm that the physiology of the body sets for it.

We can consciously evoke an image of a beautiful house or garden, but when we are distracted, we suddenly notice that our internal images have begun to take on a life of their own. “Mental garbage” appears. Try just closing your eyes and observing the thoughts that come to you. You will be surprised how many and what thoughts you have. They will appear one after another in some order. Suddenly I remember my father, and then how you went fishing last night. And then what your wife told you this morning. And so on. Everything would be fine, but some thoughts can cause an emotional response. For example, thoughts about yesterday’s disagreement with my wife.

We can consciously direct our attention, for example, to what we are looking at now, or what your right knee feels. However, having forgotten about the control of attention, it begins to change the object of its focus. For example, the noise of a bus caught your attention and you find it difficult to concentrate on writing a report for tomorrow. Then suddenly the child began to cry, and you went to console him. Try to sit down and watch your attention, where it is directed. You will see that it jumps from one object to another.

Further, even if we can consciously control, for example, the muscles of the body, then, firstly, not all, and secondly, to a limited extent. Try to reach your nose with your tongue. Not everyone will succeed. Or, try turning your head 180 degrees.

The same goes for attention. We cannot pay attention to several things at the same time. The same goes for internal images. You can't imagine something you've never seen. You can imagine, but your imaginary image will consist of elements that are familiar to you. For example, if you have never eaten dates, then you will not be able to imagine their taste.

So, your direct control is limited by your physical capabilities and your unconscious behavior. Only by consciously directing your attention to something do you have a chance to control it. For example, not paying attention to her posture, she herself will take on the appearance to which you have accustomed her. Without paying attention to how you wash your face in the morning, you will do it automatically. Those. your hands themselves know what to do. And at the end of washing, you may suddenly notice that you didn’t even notice how you washed your face. Very often our behavior is similar to the behavior of a robot that has been programmed to perform certain functions. Observe yourself throughout the day and you will see how automatic your actions are. However, when you observe yourself, you have the opportunity to change something in your behavior. By observing how you brush your teeth, you can change the order of brushing or anything else in the process. If you are not conscious of it, then you are not in control of it.

If we have limitations in the control of our direct control levers, then, accordingly, we are limited in control in all three zones of control. We can't reach a star from heaven. We can't turn back time. We cannot force our partner not to hurt you. We cannot make ourselves a millionaire with the wave of a magic wand. We often cannot calm down the pain in our body or recover from some terrible disease. We cannot completely protect our children from adversity and problems. We cannot guarantee that tomorrow we will not get sick.

We can't do much. And this upsets us, this frightens us. After all, something terrible can happen that will hurt us or our loved ones. Something may happen that can deprive us of our livelihood, our health, our life. And trying to prevent this, we develop. Through thinking and speech, we create new tools that will allow us to see more and control big amount processes. Now humanity has developed so much that we can partially control the weather, control animal populations, build reliable houses, control the flow of rivers. Man can now control the subatomic world, physiological processes in the body, and much more. And all this is driven by fear. We are trying to expand our zone of control and thereby protect ourselves from problems, pain and death.

It seems to us that if we control something, then it cannot harm us. But that's not true. You can lead healthy image life and eating right, but this will not protect you from disease. You can put a hundred clothes on your child, but this does not guarantee that he will not catch a cold. You can invest your money in different reliable banks, but this does not guarantee that tomorrow you will not be left without a penny. You can very subtly manipulate your spouse, forcing him to do what you want, but this often does not lead to the result that you expected. You can create a very accurate and verified plan for the development of your business, but no matter how hard you try, this plan will never exactly correspond to reality, and your company may go bankrupt.

We are trying to completely protect ourselves, but this turns out to be impossible. Therefore, we all live under great stress. Our problems are exactly what an uncontrollable life has presented to us and what we don’t like or what frightens us. Our problems are exactly what says that for the most part we do not control this life. No matter how hard we try to expand our zone of control, life is always much larger, and we will not be able to control it completely. Constantly trying to make life what we think it should be causes us stress and wastes our time and energy fighting the mill. It is the struggle with life and the rejection of it as it is that makes us unhappy. And only when we achieve what we want, and what is coincides with what, in your opinion, should be, we relax and become temporarily happy. Until life again presents us with a “gift” and then we again engage in battle with reality to achieve our ideal of life. So your whole life passes in battles with it and in the pursuit of some kind of ideal life that society once imposed on you.

But don't be upset. It is enough to get out of your head the idea that your life should be the way you imagined it for yourself. Accept what life gives you. Find the gift in it.

Feel like you're in control

In we discussed an experiment where dogs were given electric shocks, and as a result they artificially acquired helplessness. This is precisely the experience that helped establish that if an individual does not have control over the situation, he becomes depressed, feels like a loser and can no longer take a hit.

When you can change something, influence the course of events, make something happen, you have the very foundation that allows your brain to feel in control of the situation. A person comes into the world with a desire to control, and if he loses this ability, he becomes unhappy, helpless, loses hope and plunges into depression.

A special study was conducted in which nursing home patients were divided into two groups: with a high and low degree of control. They were given a houseplant each. The high control group was told that they had to take care of the plant, while the low control group was told that the plant would be cared for by staff. 30% of the low-control group died at the end of the experiment, while the percentage of subjects who died in the high-control group was half as high.

A subsequent study confirmed the results. Now the researchers went to another nursing home and paired college students with patients at home. One group of elderly subjects (with a low degree of control) could not influence the time of students' visits; the students themselves set the appropriate date. The highly controlled group could tell students when to come. After two months, subjects in the high-control group were much happier, healthier, more active, and took fewer medications than subjects in the low-control group.

If feeling in control of your houseplant can extend your life, imagine the effect on happiness, confidence and resilience that feeling in control of more important things has.

Internal and external locus of control

In the fifties, psychologist Julian Rotter theorized that a person's behavior can be explained by the type of locus of control he or she has: internal or external. Locus means “place” in Latin, and this category reveals what controls a person: internal (internal) or external (external) factors. People with an internal locus of control believe that their behavior is controlled by their own actions and decisions. People with an external locus of control believe that their behavior is controlled by fate, luck, and other external factors. Usually people don't go to extremes, it's just that the categories represent opposite ends of the stick. Locus of control influences behavior.

People with an internal locus of control:

• are confident that they can be successful;
• leaders by nature (manage people with an external locus of control);
• can better control their behavior;
• study a lot;
• take responsibility for their actions;
• cope better with stress;
• use life's challenges to become stronger;
• turn changes to their benefit;
• are less likely to obey authorities.

People with an external locus of control:

• feel like a victim;
• blame everyone but themselves;
• they want to be led to a goal;
• avoid responsibility;
• more susceptible to stress, anxiety and depression.

People with an internal locus of control are achievement-oriented and more likely to achieve professional and academic success. They believe they are in control of their destiny and they bravely accept challenges, whereas people with an external locus of control are more likely to say, “Why bother? It doesn’t matter what I do anyway.” People who believe that their lives are controlled by external forces behave in ways that confirm their own theory. People who know they can improve their lives behave accordingly.

There are plenty of locus of control tests online, so if you're interested, Google it and take it. Although this is already quite an obvious thing.

Stop being a victim and start taking control of your life.

In men, an internal locus of control is much more common than in women, which is why they strive for constant control over their destiny and are directly associated with power. However, various stresses and global crises can change the natural behavior of men, who may begin to believe that their lives are influenced by external forces. Today, everything is not our fault, but rather the result of a social disease, addiction or chemical imbalance. At least it’s convenient for us to think so.

The good news is that one locus of control can change to another, for example, from external to internal. Rotter based his ideas on locus of control on the following theory: the likelihood that a person will act depends on how he evaluates concrete result and how strongly he believes that the action will bring results.

If we talk in simple words, we blame others and play the victim when we don't believe we can solve the problem ourselves.

Unstable people constantly resort to many different "if only..." These guys say that they would be what they want "if only they had time to train." “If only my wife didn’t put so much pressure on me.” “If only my boss would stop being an idiot.” They constantly put off their happiness, waiting for the right circumstances or people who will come and do everything for them.

Where is the truth? People do not change. And if you want to be happy, just start taking control of your life. If you allow your coworkers/friends/girlfriend to “make” you feel bad, you can stop it by being proactive.

A resilient person understands that the only thing he can control is himself. Only he can change circumstances and only he can control how to react to stimuli. Circumstances do not dictate to you how to live - you dictate. A resilient person does not wait for someone to solve his problem, he always tries to do it himself.

Learn to solve problems

The key to taking control of your life lies in developing your problem-solving skills. When you learn to solve problems, you will become more confident and believe that you can take on any challenge that life throws at you. To learn how to solve problems, there are three different methods.

Analytical Problem Solving

We as men should strive for this method. Logic, analysis and reason are needed here. What steps should I take?

1. Understand the problem exactly. Ask questions, reflect, observe. Find out as much information as you can about what is happening.
2. Ask yourself: “What do I want?” What is your desired outcome?
3. Think of two or more possible ways to solve the problem. Weigh the pros and cons of each of them.
4. Take action. Make a decision and start implementing it.
5. See what the effect is. What helped? What didn't help?
6. Learn from reviews. This way we can find an even more effective approach in the future.
7. Vary your efforts.

The analytical way of solving problems is good for, for example, keeping finances under control. If you feel that everything is going down, sit down, calculate debit and credit, add and subtract - calculate a new budget for yourself.

Practical problem solving

There are people who learn life from books, and those who learn life on the street. Ideally, it is better, of course, to combine both. Practical problem solving is not letting your emotions consume you when you are faced with difficulties. Such people don’t get angry and don’t focus on the question: “Why does it have to be me?” Studies conducted on a group of people surviving in extreme situations showed that instead of trying to challenge reality and come to terms with it, they pay attention to everything that happens. You can scream, “This shouldn’t be happening!” as much as you like, but this already is happening. And you'll have to do something about it.

Problem solvers in a practical way, begin to work immediately to find solutions. They choose action over words and introspection. They prepare for the challenges ahead because they know that if they are prepared, they will have nothing to fear.

Creative problem solving

When we talk about resilience, perhaps the most main ability- this is to approach the issue creatively. Creative problem solving is the talent to think beyond the usual, spontaneously find solutions and generate new ideas that have not been tried before.

Creative problem solving is vital because resilience comes from the ability to think positively about change. And everything in the world is constantly changing. Resilient people are the first to try new things, while unstable people get scared and shy away.

Unstable people build their happiness on stability. They establish a certain order for themselves and never leave their comfort zone. When they are forced to deal with a new reality, their world simply falls apart, and they find it very difficult to adapt to the new order of things. They try to do things the old way in new conditions, they fail, they are depressed. It's like putting a square piece into a triangular hole - a useless and ineffective process.

They can't adapt to the new reality because they don't want to. They close their eyes, and the new information that literally appears in their eyes does not matter to them; they refuse to change their minds. "My child doesn't do drugs." “My girlfriend is not cheating on me.” “I won’t be laid off.” These people are always the last to know. They refuse to believe the truth that is right under their noses, and then they are suddenly faced with hard facts and can't do anything about it.

There are companies that have existed for many years due to the fact that they keep pace with progress. They are not trying to do business the way they did 30 years ago. If they tried, they wouldn't survive. You can act like people from the past who said that television will in no way displace radio, or you can be creative and remain modern.

How to learn to solve problems creative way? Be curious.

Creative people nurture their childlike curiosity. Do you remember how, as a child, you explored the world, asked questions, leafed through book after book? Adults who retain their childlike curiosity are still surprised by new things at work and receive new information from the world. They are reading. They ask questions. "What's happening?" "How it works?" “How do people feel?” "What are they all thinking about?"

Creative people open to everything new and constantly absorb information. They allow it to flow into their brains and look at things without labeling them, without judging them as good or bad. They don't think like, "This is a bad idea." "These people are crazy." “This is how it should be done.”

This doesn't mean that creative person has no opinion and believes in everything, regardless of whether it is right or wrong. This means that he wants to know how things work, just to know. He believes that any knowledge is useful, regardless of whether you agree with it or not. They remember everything, believing that you never know when you will need this or that knowledge, from which you will enjoy.

When you saturate your mind with information and experience, then they come to your mind at the right time and completely unexpectedly. You can brush your teeth and come up with a new business idea while doing so.

Creative people understand that inspiration can come from anywhere, as can ideas and solutions to problems. But they know that these things won't come to mind if you do the same thing over and over again and don't feed your brain. Watch new films, travel, listen to music, read different books, visit museums, go outdoors, meet new people. You can look at an incomprehensible avant-garde painting and suddenly realize why you constantly fight with your friend - it's a strange mechanism.

Apply these principles to your life

Are you still waiting for the bus that will take you to a happy future? Do you feel like an insignificant cog in a machine? Do you expect other people to make you happy? Do you check your email a hundred times a day in the hope that there will be something there that will change your life?

Stop relying on someone else. It's time to take control of your life. Instead of being a passenger on a ship, become its captain.

When life is in complete disarray, it is difficult. It's the same as if each musician in the orchestra played his own melody. The sounds wouldn't sound like music. You have to be the conductor and make every instrument sound just right to create something beautiful.

Start with a list of things you are unhappy with in your life. Pick one problem, come up with a plan to solve it, and take action to fix it. For this you only need a pen and a notepad. And don’t get up from your seat until you remember everything down to the smallest detail. Once you develop a plan, stick to it with extreme precision. If nothing can be changed in the situation, work on your perception. Don't let other people define your feelings. Control your emotions, decide for yourself what you should feel - that’s what men do.

When you successfully solve one problem, you will be more confident in yourself and gain experience in overcoming difficult situations. You will gain a sense of control over your life, you will become more resilient and confident. And so on endlessly.

Your life is moving. And you can control it. It often seems that there is no way out, but there is one and it is in action. Do it, don't wait. Go do it, dude.

Ecology of Life: Benjamin Hardy, PhD in industrial and organizational psychology at Clemson University, talked about what prevents people from managing their own lives.

How to learn to manage your own life

Benjamin Hardy, a Ph.D. in industrial and organizational psychology at Clemson University, said, what prevents people from managing their own lives.

Although there are turbulence and other problems in flight that cause the plane to miss its target 90% of the time, the vast majority of flights arrive at their destination on time.

The fact is that the flight obeys certain rules, in addition, the navigation system has some inertia, and, as a result, the aircraft’s course has to be constantly adjusted. However, when this happens in a timely manner, nothing bad happens. If corrections are not made in time, disaster may occur.

And so it is in everything - little things, if you don’t take them into account, stick together into a snowball.Ask yourself a few questions:

How do you manage your life?

Which feedback do you get it?

How often do you check your navigation system?Do you have such a system at all?

What is your goal?How do you plan to achieve it?

Are you following the course at this moment?If not, how long have you lost it?

• How to determine whether you are on course or not? How can you minimize turbulence and other problems that cause route deviations?

1. Organization of life

I'm pretty messy and unorganized in a lot of areas, and I don't think I'm alone in that, we're all busy people.

Keeping everything in order is very difficult. Besides, you may not need order in everything. On the other hand, if you remove the rough edges, it will become easier to move forward. After all, we constantly waste energy, and if we take on too much - physically or emotionally - it becomes more difficult to walk.

In his book The 7 People Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey says that Some of our tasks are urgent and some are important.. At the same time, most people give priority to urgent but small matters (for example, these could be answers to emails or some everyday concerns).

Few people organize their lives to prioritize what really matters—education, health, relationships, travel, and their long-term goals.

No one but you will care about your success - if you do not take life seriously, then you are simply not responsible enough and do not deserve what you want to achieve.

Environment and energy:

How is your home arranged?Is everything in order there or is it lying around, dirty or clean?

Do you have a lot of unnecessary items, such as clothes that you no longer wear?

If you have a car, is it clean or is it just another place to store junk?

Does the environment you live in give you pleasant emotions?

Does it replenish your energy or, on the contrary, drain it?

Finance:

Do you have excess debt?

Do you know how much you spend per month?

Do you earn as much as you want?

What's stopping you from increasing this amount?

Most people don't track their expenses, and some spending categories, like food, can surprise you.

If your finances are not in order, then no matter your income, there may not be enough money, and until you take full responsibility for this part of your life, you will remain a slave to money.

Relationship:

How do you rate your relationships with people? Is this an enjoyable part of your life - or not?

Are you spending enough time on them?

Are you in an unhealthy relationship that has been burdening you for a long time?

Are you sincere and honest in your relationships with people?

As with finances, when it comes to relationships, people often go with the flow. But this is a very important part of life, which means it is better to build it consciously.

Health:

Do you think about what foods you eat?

How does food affect other areas of your life?

Do you have an ideal body from your point of view? Is it healthy and slim enough?

Are you healthier now than you were three months ago?

Health is wealth, and if you spend all your time in bed, then who cares how wonderfully organized your life is in other respects. At the same time, it is easy to neglect your health - start not getting enough sleep, using stimulants and eating low-quality food.

And little things, as already mentioned, stick together into a snowball, and sooner or later it will catch up with you.

Soul:

Do you have a meaning in life?

Have you come to terms with life and death?

How much control do you have over your own future?

Death is not so terrible as, when you find yourself on its threshold, you realize that you have never truly lived.

An orderly spiritual life allows you to understand what is and is not worth spending time on, to figure out what is really important and what can be pushed into the background.

Every person has a moral vector that directs his behavior, even if it is not always clearly defined. For example, most people strive to be honest and good. However, until you develop a system for yourself, you will continue to face internal conflicts and sometimes act contrary to your values.

Time:

How much of your time are you truly in control of?

Maybe you are wasting time on things you don't like?

Is everything you spend your time doing bringing you closer to your ideal future?

Do you spend most of your time moving towards your goals or those of others?

Is there something unnecessary in your life?

How much of your day are you wasting?

What does your ideal day look like?

What tasks could you delegate or automate?

Until you organize your time, it goes away.

For an organized person, time flows slower, more intensely, and he himself determines how he wants to fill this or that interval. Control time, and don’t be led by it.

Drop everything and start organizing your life

Being organized and aware of your circumstances (home environment, finances, relationships, goals and time) allows you to start building your future.

To move forward quickly, you don't need to do more - first stop doing unnecessary things.

Let's say, if you want to lose weight by giving up bad habits, you will achieve much more best results than starting to cultivate useful ones.

Before you exercise, give up junk food, because until you stop harming your body, every step forward will be followed by two steps back.

Before you focus on increasing your earnings, reduce your expenses - give up excesses and learn to be content with what you have. Until this happens, you will continue to spend everything you earn (or more).

It's a matter of responsibility and organization. Rather than strive to get as much as possible, it is better to learn how to wisely manage what you have. Imagine that your life is a garden. What's the point of planting trees without preparing the soil and weeding out the weeds?

Why do most people fail to succeed? They cannot organize their lives: they are trying to earn more, increase their productivity, or find new approach, but without organization it’s all in vain.

2. Plan and invest in your future

“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best moment is now” - Chinese proverb

To achieve an image of an ideal future, it is imperative to take different fundamental areas of life and put them in order.

Very few people consciously plan their lives. It's striking how small a share of Americans invest money—for example, most millennials are afraid of long-term investing and the stock market. The majority of baby boomers never invested systematically, but supported the dependence of the American economy on consumption.

But remember that you have complete power over your life - you just need to decide to take the reins into your own hands. What does it mean? It means fix it or break it troubled relationship and learn to give up what seems like a waste of time. Make up your mind immediately.

“If you don't plan, you plan to fail!” - Benjamin Franklin

First of all, forget about the question “what to do” - you should be interested in “why”.

“Why” is the source of your motivation, and “what” is only its expression in the form of specific actions. For example, my “why”: I want to help people understand their own lives and help them achieve their goals faster. The means can be anything - it could be blogging, raising children, studying, going to lunch, and so on.

Many people think that formulating a vision for the future means coming up with a precise 20-year plan, but this is not true. The problem with this long-term approach is that sooner or later it will start to slow you down.

For example, Tim Ferriss, instead of drawing up a detailed plan, conducts 3-6 month experiments on the field of interest to him. this moment topic. At the same time, he says that he has absolutely no idea what the result of his experiments will be, and this illustrates the pointlessness of long-term planning. Although we never know what doors will open for us, he wants to be open to all possibilities.

However, his “why” does not change.

When you actively create in collaboration with other people, the whole becomes greater than the sum of its parts, so it's impossible to plan everything. At some point, you will reach a level where your personal needs will not matter because you will realize that with the help of others, you can do things a thousand times more meaningful than you could on your own.

Without expecting any specific result, you will be confident that everything will turn out the best way- this is the result of creativity and cooperation, and it exceeds the understanding and ability of the individual. Collaboration between people and synergy lead to innovation and ultimately move humanity forward. At the same time, the old rules change and the world becomes different.

Invest in the future

Whenever you decide to give up immediate gratification for long-term success, you are investing in the future. Most people fail at this.

They are unable to purposefully invest resources in their finances, relationships, health, and time. But when you invest in yourself (and your future), you improve your future and your present.

In this way, your life will become better and closer to the ideal image that you keep in your head.

3. Track results

Staying organized and investing in the future are useless if you don't track the impact of your efforts.- these are the most important aspects of life, and they need to be controlled.

It's hard, and if you've ever tried it, you've probably given up after a few days.

Meanwhile, research has repeatedly shown that when a behavior is monitored and assessed, it improves dramatically. If you're not tracking results in the areas that matter most to you, you're probably off track, and if you were honest with yourself, you'd be surprised at how out of control your life has become. As James Barrie, author of the tale of Peter Pan, wrote:

“Every person’s life is a diary in which he intends to write one story, but writes another; and his most miserable hour is when he compares the scale of what he has actually achieved with what he was about to accomplish.”

But I want to please you:when you get together, make a plan, and start tracking results, the changes you want come quickly.

Prioritize first. As Jim Collins said in Good to Great:

“If you have more than three priorities, you don’t have any.”

Priorities are what your life is built around and should reflect your “why” and not the other way around. It can be:

1. Relationships that are important to you;

2. Business and finance;

3. Self-improvement (for example, health or efficient use of time).

You choose your priorities, but I promise that when they are chosen and you begin to be conscious about them, you will be able to manage them, you will become more confident in yourself, and life will become easier.

Simplicity and organization will improve your quality of life; there will be more responsibility, but responsibility is the same as freedom.

4. Prayer

Nowadays people spend their days in hustle and bustle. Vanity, vanity, vanity. But no matter how much you fuss, if you go the wrong way, it will not help at all. You will make mistakes, get up and make mistakes again, and so on ad infinitum.

The poet Thomas Merton once said:

“A person can spend a lifetime climbing the ladder of success only to reach the top only to find that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall.”

It happens - we drown in a swamp of trifles and realize too late that the goals we were striving for were alien.

Therefore, you need to set aside a significant part of your time for prayer.- this will help you see more clearly what is happening to you and open your mind to opportunities that elude you while you are immersed in the hustle and bustle.

For example, a few days ago I prayed all night, thought a lot, listened to inspiring music and wrote in a journal. And after a few hours, a brilliant idea came to my mind.

In addition, during this time I realized something about the relationships that were important to me, and I immediately wrote letters to the people I was thinking about. The result was an amazing collaboration experience.

Our thoughts are very great strength, they control not only you, but also the people around you. If you think well of someone, their life becomes better. This is why people “send positive energy” or pray for others - it really works.

Your thoughts create endless waves of consequences that ripple around you.

If you regularly take time to pray, the power of your thoughts will increase and interesting things will begin to happen - if the idea of ​​a miracle scares you, think of it as luck.

Whatever you call it, if you spend some time every day on reflection, luck will not keep you waiting.

For example, during my recent deep dive into myself, one of my favorite authors came across my blog. He retweeted one of my articles and sent me a private message, and now we're friends and talk on the phone for hours.

If you're skeptical about these ideas, just give it a try. Why do you think almost all successful people practice these things in one form or another?

Besides our world, there is another, higher one, and once you penetrate it, you will receive unlimited possibilities.

And the only thing holding you back is your mind.

5. Move towards your goal every day

How many days ago did you last time Did you do anything to move towards your goal?

If we do not make conscious efforts, life with its little things overwhelms us, leaving no time for self-improvement and movement in the chosen direction, and soon, when we grow old, we will turn back and ask ourselves where the time went.

Writer Harold Hill said:

“If you keep putting everything off until tomorrow, someday you will find that you only have a lot of empty yesterdays left.”

If you manage to get organized, make a plan, learn to track results and train yourself to pray, the rest will follow automatically - you will be focused on the right things and will be in the right state to accomplish your plans.

It’s best to do these kinds of important things in the morning, when you have maximum volitional resources.

And remember: nothing gets done on its own, and by the end of the day you will be exhausted and bogged down in small matters. There are always a million reasons to put something off until tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes.

So here's your mantra: unpleasant in the first place. Start the day with the most important things, and repeat tomorrow.

And, if you take a step towards your goal every day, very soon you will discover that it is not as far as you thought.published

We would venture to suggest that in the whole wide world there is not a single person who has never been lazy. After all, even a true workaholic at least once in his life gave himself some slack and spent the whole day doing nothing. But an isolated case is a small thing compared to chronic laziness, which simply needs to be combated. We tell you how.

Self-hypnosis

This method really works. All you need is to force yourself to take on the most difficult and unpleasant work that you have been constantly putting off until later. How to force? Yes, just tell yourself that you will work for 5-10 minutes and quit if the desire does not appear. As a rule, when things move with dead center, a person becomes motivated to finish it as quickly as possible and never remember it again.

Planning

Reward

For self-hypnosis to work, you need to promise yourself a reward for the work done. For example, you can treat yourself to new clothes, your favorite sweet, or entertainment. But remember, the amount of remuneration should correspond to the amount of work - the more you did, the more you received. You can always come to the method when your existence turns into a lazy “seal day”.

Gradually, you will develop conditioned reflex“work is a prize” and, perhaps, you will no longer need a reward, and you will start doing everything automatically.

Organize your space

Organize your desk - remove unnecessary items, put documents in folders, put books and magazines in their places. It is important that there is order around you, otherwise it will distract you from your work. As a result, you will do nothing and will only find excuses for yourself.

Splitting up

Crushing method major tasks helps to tune in to smaller ones. For example, you need to do some general cleaning, but laziness prevents you from getting started - divide it into small tasks and distribute it over the week (for example, today you clean the kitchen, tomorrow - the living room, on the third day - the bedroom, etc.). This way, you will be less tired, and the cleaning will be better. The same can be done with large work projects, presentations, speeches, etc.

Training

Some things you just need to train yourself to do so that they become a habit and you do them with ease. For example, such tasks include morning exercises, getting up early, household chores, reading books, and drawing up important documents. At the beginning it will be very difficult, but regularly repeated actions through force will soon not force you to remind yourself.

Rest

At first glance, this is very strange advice, but in fact it works. This primarily applies to laziness at work. Very often, from overwork, people begin to be capricious, lazy and put everything off for later. But after relaxing for a couple of weeks in another country (or in a boarding house), without thinking about work and household chores, you will gain strength and recharge your batteries for another year. If you can’t take a vacation or go farther away, you can unload and shake yourself up in other ways - take up extreme sports or sign up for some interesting courses.

Changing the type of activity

Laziness is often associated with routine and monotony at work. When you do the same thing day after day, communicate with the same people, and there are no prospects for development, this results in laziness or depression. To cope with both conditions, you need to radically change the type of activity to a more interesting and lively one. Of course, this may not work out, but it’s still worth trying to radically change your life and find a job that doesn’t seem like hard labor (“Learning to quit correctly”).

Have you ever had a situation in your life where you tore your hair out because you didn't have time to eat lunch, talk on the phone, or even have time to breathe? If so, then you have most likely felt yourself losing control of your time and life. Did you find yourself in this description? This means it’s time to change not only your usual routine, but also your approach to your time. Here are some tips to get you started.

Steps

Developing healthy habits

Stop buying things you don't need. Most people live like this: they work hard to have a lot of money and then buy themselves a whole bunch of things. You buy things, the money runs out, and then you have to go to work and repeat the whole procedure again. If you're having a hard time managing your life and time, chances are you're working too much. Reducing waste will help reduce the pressure of working hard. And you'll get more out of that free time you've been craving. Here are tips on how to reduce your expenses while living a fun and interesting life:

• Do you really need a car? Is the time spent at service stations, finding parking and giving people rides really worth it? Wouldn't your life be easier when you depended more on yourself and the bus schedule? If you agree, then maybe it's time to take a break from your favorite car.
• Do you really need new things every month? Instead of buying a bunch of outfits indiscriminately every time you shop, focus on quality over quantity. Invest in a quality sweater, a pair of good pants and a matching scarf, so you can leave the store with well-made staples. Sure, they may cost more than piles of cheap items, but you won't have to buy as many clothes as you used to.
• Going out into the world is one of the most expensive moments. Try not to visit cafes or restaurants more than once or twice a week, and don't spend a lot of money on expensive food that you can cook at home more fun and tasty.

1. Avoid multitasking. This may seem like a great way to get work done faster and save more time, but the truth is that it does the opposite. Additionally, multitasking will reduce the quality of your work as you will not be able to fully immerse yourself in one type of work. Think about it: Are you actually getting more and better work done by Skyping with your boss about plans to improve your company while talking to your mom on the phone about your cousin's honeymoon? Instead, focus on one task at a time and you'll see how much faster you get through everything and how good you are at focusing on one thing at a time.

   • This is where a to-do list can come in handy. Choose one task from the items instead of several, and you will immediately see the result.

2. Don't bind yourself to unbearable obligations. You may feel stressed as you try to gain control of your time and life because you are devoting yourself to many tasks: working on a new project, having a bachelorette party once a week, teaching yoga every morning, helping your neighbor renovate his house. Think about the things that are truly important to you, that you do for yourself, and not out of a sense of duty. Of course, you can't just quit the activities you don't like, but try removing something from your schedule and you will see what a relief it will be for you.

   • You may deny everything and convince yourself that you really want to complete everything before single task on your list. But before you do anything, ask yourself, “How would I feel if this were suddenly cancelled?” If your answer is a huge relief - then why do it?

3. Get things in order. Being organized will help you feel more in control of your time. Take a calendar, a pen and a notebook to record your tasks, and you will no longer feel so overloaded with tasks. Even if you believe that you work best spontaneously and always have everything you need at hand, having an organizer, bag, or wallet means you won't have to worry about searching for receipts, a phone number, or a note, because you'll definitely you will know where it all is.

   • It may seem like you don't have time to clear out your desk or organize all the contents of your drawers, closets, and suitcases, but it will save you a lot of time in the future.

4. Don't abuse alcohol. Of course, having a few drinks once or twice a week in the company of friends will help you relieve stress, relax, or simply unwind after hard work or study. But if working a lot and then drinking a lot becomes a habit, then you simply won’t have time to think about solving all the problems and tasks, which will bring you additional stress. Sure, you could go out with your girlfriends on a Friday night, drink a lot, and spend half of Saturday in bed instead of getting up early, going to yoga, going shopping, or working on your poetry book. Here's how alcohol can cause you to lose control of your time and life.

   • Make it a rule to drink only when you are in a good mood, and do not use alcohol to cope with stress. It has a depressing effect on the body, making us feel even worse, although it brings temporary relief.

5. Prepare for the whole week. This is a very good way to save time: instead of spending more than an hour preparing food and cleaning every day, prepare enough food two or three times a week to last for a few more days. For example, on Monday you can make a delicious lasagna that will last until Thursday, and then prepare a salad or other simple dish instead of cooking something different every day.

   Come early. One of the reasons for not being able to control your life is that you are constantly rushing around, moving from one thing to another. This makes you feel frazzled and tired, which can leave a bad impression on the people waiting for you. Even if you show up ten minutes early for a meeting and wait around doing nothing, it will be better than running like crazy to show up on time and waiting for your heart rate to calm down from such racing. Imagine that every meeting is scheduled 15 minutes earlier than it actually is. This may not help you get more work done, but it will definitely improve your attitude towards it, which is the most important goal in this case.

   • One of the reasons for being late may be that you are so busy with work that you do not have time to move from one task to another. If this sounds like you, plan ahead between commitments.

   A feasible daily routine

   1. Plan ahead each morning. Every morning when you wake up - or every night if you prefer - get up and make a plan for the day. Write down all the things that need to be done, no matter if they are related to work or school. Also consider time for lunch, exercise, going out with friends, and whatever else you want to do. You can even make a plan for the week, but allocating every hour to all the activities can be difficult.

      • Make a list of things you need to do and check off each item. Feel how good it feels to get all the work done.
      • Give yourself a reward at the end of the day or when you complete some tasks and you will look forward to it.

   2. Leave time for yourself. You might think that personal time should simply be brushed aside as part of your daily or weekly task list. However, it is just as valuable as time spent with friends, family or significant other. By being alone with yourself, you can reboot, think about the future and recharge yourself with the energy you need for the next social interactions and work commitments. Make sure you spend at least a few hours alone every week. If necessary, wake up earlier to take this time for yourself; Don't let your friends' unexpected plans ruin your date with yourself.

      • Take a look at your entire week's plan. See when you can carve out time for yourself; maybe you'll somehow walk to work instead of driving, or maybe you'd rather read instead of watching a not-so-interesting movie with a friend.
      • Don't make yourself feel guilty if you don't want to go out with friends and just want to be alone. Try to understand what exactly you want. What's the point of going out with friends if they immediately understand that you wanted to be alone?

   3. Schedule your day according to your energy peaks. Try to identify when you are more productive. Most people do more in the morning, after resting. Some people are more productive in the evening, after a busy day. Some people get a boost of energy after lunch coffee. Once you've established your energy peak, schedule your most challenging tasks during this period and you'll get the most out of your efforts. Also, schedule the simplest tasks when you feel weak and sluggish, such as after lunch or during the last hour of work when you are impatiently looking at the clock.

      • Not only will this make it easier for you to achieve your goals, but it will also make the process much more enjoyable.

   4. Get enough sleep. Busy people often sacrifice their sleep. However, if you really want to feel in control of your life and time, then you shouldn't walk around like a zombie all day trying to cope with your daily plan. Make sure you sleep 7-8 hours a night and go to bed and get up at about the same time every day so that your body is in tune with a certain sleep pattern.

      • Work on a good release before bed by turning off all visual stimuli - phone, computer, at least half an hour before bed. This makes it easier to fall asleep.
      • Don't skip caffeine in the afternoon, otherwise you'll feel jittery and likely have trouble sleeping at night. Remember that quality of sleep is just as important as quantity.

   5. Eat healthy. Make time for a hearty breakfast, a energizing lunch, and a nutritious dinner if you want to have the energy to get everything done. You may be too busy or consider yourself too busy to spend that much time eating, but you still need to make eating a priority. But don't snack on just one sandwich on the way to work; instead, eat a bowl of oatmeal while reading the newspaper, even if it means waking up 15 minutes earlier. To be more efficient, avoid eating lunch at your desk. Take a break and enjoy a sandwich or salad. It is better to have enough dinner so as not to wake up hungry in the morning, but the food should not be fatty or heavy, so as not to be lethargic and not get an upset stomach.

      • Plan your meals at the beginning of the week. This will make you more likely to maintain healthy eating habits.

   6. Make time for fun. Planning fun into your weekly schedule is a must. You won't feel like you're in control if you don't take a break from all the work you're doing. You may think that fun is an unnecessary item in your schedule and consider it a luxury, but it should be considered an important part of life. Plan to play mini golf with your best friends, go to the movies with your friends, or bake a pie with your mom on Sunday.

      • Do whatever you want during your downtime as long as it helps you relax and relieves you from feeling overstressed.

   7. Take a break every 90 minutes. The human mind is not designed to focus on one thing for 8-9 hours. In fact, almost everyone will need a rest after 90 hours of work, and you don't need to think that doing so will show your weakness. You can have a snack, lunch, call a friend, take a walk for 20 minutes, or just rest your eyes for 15 minutes after such a period of work. That is, do everything to regroup and then rush into work with renewed vigor. Taking breaks will actually help you get work done faster and with more enthusiasm.

      • Also in a good way take a break, recharging yourself with energy for further work, maybe exercise for 10-15 minutes.
      • Try to take a 10-15 minute nap if you feel like it. Such a short rest to renew strength and energy will help you better than an hour or two hours of sleep, which will only bring drowsiness and lethargy.

   8. Fill up your commute from home to work with something. Don't consider this time as wasted. Instead, listen to an audiobook while driving to work, call a friend or relative, or arrange to meet after work. Or just turn on the radio and think about your life and what you can do to improve its quality. If you want to reduce this time, wake up early to avoid rush hour traffic and leave workplace a little earlier or later for the same reason.

   9. Always make time for exercise. Of course, it’s better to sacrifice them and just sleep in the middle of a busy work week. However, exercise is very good for the body and mind, it gives you energy and gives you confidence that you can handle everything with ease. Avoid the temptation to tell yourself that you're too busy to exercise and see what you can sacrifice for it. Do you really need to watch TV for two whole hours today? Or can you go for a 30-minute run instead? Think about what exactly you can do to develop your body and mind.

      • If an hour and a half of yoga is too much for you, take an hour-long class or take a brisk walk instead. Even if you no longer have time for the long workouts you're used to, you can find something that works for you.

   Making your life easier

   • When you use your time wisely, new opportunities open up for you and everything falls into place. You are no longer running anywhere, your breathing is even. You are calmer, more rested and stress no longer bothers you. You begin to look at life from a different, more optimistic side.